Billy is a kindergartner. He comes home from school one day and says to his mom "Guess what happened to me in school today!" and before she can answer he says "I had sex with my teacher!" His mom goes apeshit and screams "Go to your room and tell your father what you did when he gets home." So his father comes home around seven and goes to Billy's room and says "What did you do this time Billy." Billy replies "I had sex with my teacher!" "Good boy!" Says his father, "Let's go buy you a new bicycle." When they get out of the bike shop with his brand new shiny red bike with training wheels and a cute little bell his father says "Do you want to ride your new bicycle home Billy?" and Billy says, "No, my ass still hurts."

Hey Doc JD,

Q: submitted by Richie

My girl is always talking about her ex’s enormous wang. Mine isn’t too short, but I’m worried that she’ll be disappointed when we get down to business. Is there any way to make my schlong bigger without weights, surgery, or medication?

A:
first off why don't you teach your girl some manners. you don't yap it up about
how tight your last girlfriends pussy was do you? i think talking about past relationships and experiences is a big no no. it is completely pointless. i've been with many girls that can not resist the temptation to brag about a past experience. i just chuckle and then fuck'em until they are cross eyed. i can assure you it will be the last time she yaps it up about a past dude. so back to the penis size thing. i think what is way more important is the width not the length. a girls clit is on the outside of her pussy and her g-spot is generally (individual results may vary ;-) 2-3 inches deep on the roof of her pussy so having a long dick is not going to do anything other than poke the back of her uterus and not let the friction of your pubic bone against her clit get full affect. a thick dick on the other hand will hit all the right spots. now here is the bad news. i am not aware of any ways to permanently increase the size of your penis by weights or exercises. surgery apparently works but is usually reserved for extreme conditions. now here is the good news. you can make your erection much thicker than it normally gets by using a little viagra action. i have friends that swear by it and i used it once and thought my johnson was going to explode. it was so hard and pumped up that i could easily have used it to hammer nails into the wall. so my advice to you is check out one of those websites where you can order some and treat yourself to a bottle (assuming you check with a doctor first, it is right for you and all that other bullshit that if you don't say you get sued). i think you will be quite happy with the results...and your girl definitely will! ;-) let us know how it goes...

-JD