For The Week Of 08/06/2012
Happy with all the porn you are taking off Sublime… time to give something back...
This week's Sublime times features more jokes, cool sites, cheat tips, and of course
sex questions... all of them for you by you... Of course we will sweeten the pot and throw
world-famous Sublime T-shirts and hats if we use your submission on ANY of the sections below...
Email entries to webmaster@ sublimedirectory.com. Please give us feedback too!

JOKE OF THE WEEK

Patrick walks into a bar in Dublin, orders three pints of Guinness and sits in the corner of the room, drinking a sip out of each pint in turn. When he had finished all three, he went back to the bar and ordered three more. The barman says, “You know a pint goes flat soon after I pull it . Your pints would taste better if you bought one at a time.” Patrick replies, “Well now, I have two brodders, one is in America and de odder in Australia and here I am in Dublin . When we all left home, we promised dat we’d drink dis way to remember de days we all drank togedder.” The barman admits that this is a nice custom and says no more. Patrick becomes a regular customer and always drinks the same way … ordering three pints and drinking a sip out of each in turn, until they are finished. One day, he comes in and orders just two pints. All the other regulars in the bar notice and fall silent. When he goes back to the bar for the second round, the barman says, "I don’t want to intrude on your grief but I wanted to offer my condolences on your great loss." Patrick looks confused for a moment, then the penny drops and he starts to laugh, “Oh no,” he says, “Bejesus, everyone is fine! Tis me … I’ve quit drinking!”

SITES OF THE WEEK
Divers -On Toilets!
Un-Baby -Your Facebook!
Louis C.K. -Is Very Sorry!
KFC -Loves Equal Rights!
'Taken' With -A Real Dad!
Reaching Finality -Flash Game!
TIPS AND TRICKS
ManualCorrect Makes Autocorrect More Intuitive

iOS (jailbroken): iOS' autocorrect feature can be confusing: you have to tap the autocorrect window to ignore the correction, which just doesn't make sense. ManualCorrect flips this behavior to something more intuitive. I've been using the iPhone for awhile, and my instinct is still to tap on the autocorrect box in order to make that correction. Instead of frustratingly deal with iOS' autocorrect shenanigans, I've installed ManualCorrect, a jailbreak tweak that reverses this behavior.
Now, when I mistype a word, a box pops up with the correct word and only types the correction when I tap on that box. It isn't for everyone, but if you still find iOS' autocorrect a bit hard to get used to, ManualCorrect is great. ManualCorrect is a free download for jailbroken iOS devices. You can also grab the 99 cent Pro version, which adds a settings pane and an SBSettings toggle for the tweak.

Feel free to send contributions or suggestions to: webmaster@sublimedirectory.com
ASK TINA

Q: submitted by Amos

I watch internet porn and "perform well" (as in I get an erection). But when I want to have sex with my girlfriend, I don't perform at all, if I do it's very rarely. How can I perform more for my girlfriend than I do for internet porn?

A:
If a man is not confident in his sexuality he will not perform well when needed. Your propensity to watch porn to achieve satisfaction suggests you are not self-assured to begin with. Do you think you are attractive? Do you think your genitals are normal size and appearence? Are you confident in your ability to satisfy a girl? Any negative responses here could be the reason for your erectile dysfunction. Stop the porn completely and start to do a lot of heavy petting with your gf, get both of you worked into a lather and if you get good and hard then go for it. But if you still can't perform don't end up jacking off in private, save up your passion til the next time you get hot and bothered with her. And if nothing else works, get proffessional help...it'll be worth every penny.

-Tina

AskmyGF
 
CLIP OF THE WEEK
This is our special section that will bring you a new Sublime clip every week. It will either be filmed by us or sent in by you guys.

Carrot Facial


Video contributions or suggestions to: webmaster@ sublimedirectory.com
 
 


STRANGE NEWS HEADLINES
ORMOND BEACH, FL -- A man clad only in ripped underwear was arrested after breaking into an Ormond Beach home, police said. Charles Snowden, 41, was booked into the Volusia County jail in Daytona Beach on a charge of burglary of an occupied dwelling. Volusia County deputies said Snowden claimed he was looking for tennis balls when he was found loitering outside a woman's home. Deputies were dispatched to the neighborhood after the Sheriff’s Office received a call at 7:16 a.m. Wednesday from a woman who lives on Woodcrest Drive. “I just woke up. There was a strange man walking in my house,” the woman told a dispatcher. “He’s walking down the street right now. He’s in underwear--ripped.” The woman told deputies that she awoke to the sound of an intruder coming through her sliding-glass doors before he rummaged through the silverware drawer in the kitchen, according to the Sheriff's Office. Afraid to confront the man, the woman said she waited until the intruder walked out the front door and then called for help. The woman said she didn't notice anything missing from her house. Deputies spotted Snowden, dressed only in a pair of boxer shorts, a few minutes later. Deputies said Snowden claimed that he had been visiting a resident in the area and was looking for tennis balls for his friend’s dog. He said he took his clothes off because he had gotten them wet while doing some pressure washing earlier in the day, according to deputies.

Snowden, who appeared to be under the influence of an undetermined substance, denied being in the victim’s house, according to deputies. He was arrested and was being held on $1,500 bond.
 
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This Weeks



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Winner
"Still better than fat camp." -James

Runner-up
"Not giving a shit since 1962." -Matty



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