For The Week Of 08/09/2004
Happy with all the porn you are taking off sublime.. time to give something back...
This week's sublime times features more jokes, cool sites, cheat tips, and of course
Sex questions... all of them for you by you... Of course we will sweeten the pot and throw
world famous sublime T-shirts and hats if we use your submission on ANY of the sections below...
Email entrees to webmaster@sublimedirectory.com. Please give us feedback too!

JOKE OF THE WEEK

A Mom is driving her little girl to a friend’s house for a play date. “Mommy,” the little girl asks, “how old are you?” “Honey, you are not supposed to ask a lady her age,” the mother warns. “It is not polite.” “Ok,” the little girl says. “How much do you weigh?” “Now really,” the mother says, “these are personal questions, and really none of your business.” Undaunted, the little girl asks, “Why did you and daddy get a divorce?” “That is enough questions, honestly!” The exasperated mother walks away as the two friends begin to play. “My Mom wouldn’t tell me anything,” the little girl says to her friend. “Well,” said the friend, “all you need to do is look at her drivers license. It is like a report card—it has everything on it.” Later that night, the little girl says to her mother, “I know how old you are. You are 32.” The mother is surprised and asks, “How did you find that out?” “I also know that you weigh 140 pounds.” The mother is past surprise and shocked now. “How in heaven’s name did you find that out?” “And,” the little girl says triumphantly, “I know why you and daddy got a divorce.” “Oh really?” the mother asks. “And why’s that?” “Because you got an F in sex.”

SITES OF THE WEEK
50 worst Beers -Of All Time!
Etymologies -For Famous Companies!
New Movie Clip -From Creators Of South Park!
Legitimate Email Or Scam -Quiz
Greg Martin -ArtWork.
Olympics -Game Of The Week!
Tip and Trick of the Week
Cheat...DVDS/Videos!
If you've got a DVD or a video game where the disc is scratched, here's a good way to replace it. Go to your local Blockbuster and rent the same movie or game. Then when you return it, replace it with your damaged disc. Sometimes they write an inventory code on the disc they rent you, so just be sure to write the same number down on your damaged disc before exchanging it with Blockbuster's disc.
ASK TINA

Q: submited by Sammy
I just broke up with my long time girlfriend and am having a really hard time getting over her, what do you suggest?

A:
Remember the scene in Pulp fiction when John Travolta and Sam Jackson head over to Harvey Keitel's house to get cleaned up after blowing a kid's brains out in the backseat of their car? That scene is your inspiration. You must get rid of every sign that your girlfriend ever existed as quickly as possible--that picture of the two of you on the fridge, the lacy thong in your underwear drawer, the vanilla-scented shampoo in the shower, that little plastic thing she found at Dairy Queen--put it all out of sight. Then ask your friends and family to take a break from talking about her for a while. One day down the road when the wound isn't so raw and bloody, you can treasure the good times and analyze the bad. But right now, you need to let go in a big way, and that means having nothing around to hold on to--so don't forget to erase her number from your cell phone and store all her emails in a folder marked ?last year's taxes.' It's tough love now but in two months, you'll be thanking me.

-Tina

 
CLIP OF THE WEEK
This is our special section that will bring you a new sublime clip every week. It will either be filmed by us or sent in by you guys.


Rally Car Racing!
 
 

to view clip: right click flash and choose "save target as" option. save the file "lindsey.wmv" to your desktop. once downloaded simply double click the new "lindsey.wmv" icon on your desktop to watch the movie.




Video contributions or suggestions to webmaster@sublimedirectory.com.
 
 


STRANGE NEWS HEADLINES
Sex is "fulfilling," masturbation is "difficult to resist" and Mary Magdalene "had something of a dodgy past". A new "youth Bible" which talks frankly about pornography and lust has been condemned by traditionalists for "dumbing down the message of salvation". The Contemporary English Version Youth Bible, jointly published by The Bible Society and Collins - which also publishes more traditional versions of The Bible - is written in modern idiom and includes a number of extra passages penned by contemporary authors on "youth issues". The passage on pornography advises teenagers "to avoid the top shelf of the newsagents, [and] pray as you surf [the internet]". A section on masturbation cites St Paul's exhortation in Thessalonians not to be "a slave of your desires", but admits that "it can provide a release". Exam anxiety can be dealt with by "praying for a bit of calm and a good memory!" while adolescents confused by their sexuality are reminded that "today's world is a sexual free market". Young people are also told to look at the parable of Jesus turning water into wine in the context of first-century Palestine. "Riding a donkey after a drink was less dangerous than drinking and driving today," it says. "Jesus made up to 160 gallons of wine at Cana, but would he have made anything that would intoxicate or bring harm to anyone?" The updated version has caused consternation among traditionalists, who argue that the Bible should not be tampered with. The Rev John Roberts, the general secretary of the Lord's Day Observance Society, said that the Bible should fight the increasing secularism of society, rather than embrace it. "Our society has never been so open so you don't need to use the Bible to teach people about these things," Mr Roberts said. "The Bible is a book that one shouldn't denigrate with this kind of sleazy language. This is gimmicky, and it is a real worry. "We need to be very careful we don't lose all concept of what the Bible is about by trying to make God 'pally'. He is not pally, He is too great to be brought down to our level." John Medlin, the development manager of the Latin Mass Society, a Catholic society that strives for authentic worship, claimed that the traditionalist wing of the Roman Catholic Church was growing worldwide precisely because it did not offer this sort of "watered-down faith". "Traditionalist Catholics have very little interest in such material and do not see the point of it," he said. "The fullness of the message of salvation is contained in the Bible for believing Christians, and I see no point in attempting either to add to it or to dumb it down for a contemporary audience that is desperately seeking transcendence.It is patronising. It speaks of a certain lack of morals in the persons producing these sort of dumbed-down Bibles. What we need to do is to offer it whole and untouched to youngsters in their contemporary world. They are desperately searching for someone to offer them a goal towards which to strive." The Contemporary English Version Youth Bible, edited by Nick Page, a Christian journalist and author, will cost £15.99. A spokesman for Collins said that the Bible "had changed with the times". "Sex, addiction, eating disorders, masturbation, bullying - most kids have to deal with this and if a modern Youth Bible is to remain a truthful guide to how to live a Christian life, it just can't duck them," she said. "Shame, confusion, embarrassment can't have a part in what we set out if we are to be credible at helping young people get more out of the Bible - and their lives." The Bible Society is dedicated to making the Bible accessible to people across the world. It is supported by donations from churches of different denominations including the Church of England. Philip Poole, the deputy chief executive of The Bible Society, said the society "supports the way Collins is helping young people understand how the Bible can speak into their lives today". 6 June 2004: Wot hapnd when Agamemnon & Achilles had a barny in Troy? Previous story: Police investigate £1m legacy of retired colonel killed on doorstep Next story: Farewell, my concubine (Shut the door on your way out)
 
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"The Jolly Green Giant makes a guest appearance on VH1's "Where Are They Now?"-Kevin
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"heres her pic mom, and can you believe I met her in a chat room!"-Rich
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