For The Week Of 08/13/01
Happy with all the porn you are taking off sublime.. time to give something back...
This week's sublime times features more Jokes, cool sites, cheat tips, and of course
Sex questions... all of them for you by you... Of course we will sweeten the pot and throw
world famous sublime T-shirts and hats if we use your submission on ANY of the sections below...
Email entrees to webmaster@sublimedirectory.com. Please give us feedback too!

JOKE OF THE WEEK

A 12 year old boy was doing his homework when he was puzzled by an English question. So he asked his father, Dad whats the difference between potentially and realistically? Well his father said, Go ask your mom if she would have sex with Brad Pitt for a million dollars, then ask your sister the same question, then ask your older brother the same question... So off he went, he asked his mom first Mom would you have sex with Brad Pitt for a million dollars? his mom replied I would have sex with any man for a million dollars Brad Pitt would just be a bonus. Then he asked his sister the same question her response was also that she also would have sex with Brad Pitt or any man for a lot less than a million dollars. He then asked his brother Big Bro would you have sex with Brad Pitt for a million dollars? Yes I would his brother replied as a matter of fact I would have sex with any man for a million dollars. The boy returned to his father. his father said "well"? the boy replied and then the father says -- "well from what I gather Potentially were sitting on 3 million dollars, realistically were living with 2 sluts and a fag!!"
SITES OF THE WEEK
Multiple Breast Gallery - When two is just not enough.
Yapoo Bush - Yahoof + Shit
Live Maiming - Cutting of legs live.
Anti-Masturbation! -Protect Kids from Masturbation!
SuperHeroes - Can you get a life.
National CountDown - Do Americans really Suck.
TIPS & TRICKS
Free Stuff
If $5.75 sounds like a reasonable price to you for a 12-ounce can of Miller Lite, stop reading. If youíre sick of padding A-Rodís plumptuous pockets when all you want to do is get drunk and surly at the ballpark, order one of those gourmet beers, finish it, and head to the bathroom. Throw a little water on the front of your shirt, and proceed to another vendor claiming that some crummy kid ran by and knocked your full beer all over you. Show them your empty cup, and boom! You just got yourself a free beer!
ASK DOCTOR JD

Hey Doc JD,

Q: submitted by Nick

Hey man, I'm an 18 year old virgin and just met this chick that lives around 60 miles away. I haven't gone to see her yet and I don't have much time to work on her. I'm not that smooth as it is and I was wondering if you could give me some advice on what to do to get laid. Help me out man!

A:
as rob shenieider from waterboy would say "you can do it!" nailing a chik is a lot easier than you think. the first thing to keep in mind is that your attitude is everything. you have to be confident BUT NOT cocky. you have to make her think that sex is not the only thing on your mind. if you are all sexed up and always talking and making jokes about sex she will think you are some kind of perv. this is why every time you talk to her or spend some time with her you have to rub one out first. this makes ALL the difference in the world. your whole demeanor will be much different and you just won't have that horny toad edge. the other great thing to do is let her see you in your domain. let her see you do something that you excel at. if you are really good at a sport invite her to a game, if you teach something invite her to watch you teach...anything where you are in your element. since you are 60 miles apart this may be difficult. so instead go to her town and put together a nice date (planned before hand). use the net to find a good place to go and have everything planned ahead of time. there is no worse way to start off a date than by asking a girl where she wants to go. remember to be cool, calm, and collect during the date. be nice to everyone (waiters, cabbies, etc..) and remember this keyword...indifference. when you act like there is nothing that can be thrown your way to fuck your shit up and that if you don't bang her tonight it is no big deal it will drive her crazy. chiks are used to getting hit on left and right and cheese balls bending over backwards to get in their pants. when you don't play any of those games it sends a girls head for a spin. she starts wondering why you are not acting like every other dip shit that she runs into and she starts to see you in a whole new light. so, you have the attitude down...now you just need a few date tips. be a gentleman! open doors for her, pull out her chair, get her coat, etc.. this is very important...plus it is something you should get in the habit of doing anyways. don't let those women libbers fool you...a woman LOVES to be treated like a woman. take notice of something nice or cute about her outfit and give her a little comment about it. the other important thing is to not be a cheapo...that is a real turn off for chiks and no one likes a cheapo anyways. also..make sure to keep the wine flowing (pick a nice red like a tignanello, cabreo or amarone). now the last important thing to remember to do on the date is to not talk about yourself the whole time...that will really piss off a chik. if you have adhered to all this so far then things should be looking very good by the time you get home. play it cool and look at her body english. if she is sitting close to you and is leaning towards you when she talks that is a good sign. if she is exhibiting this type of body english and you feel like it is the right time lean in and confidently ask her if you can kiss her. if she says yes (or more often than not will kiss you as soon as you say this) you are money -- if she says no...NO big deal. just give a warm smile and say "sorry..i just thought a kiss would be nice" and then drop it. do not try and kiss her again -- simply continue the nice evening. there is always tomorrow. not to mention you are only 18 and chiks really don't start banging like nothing on the first date until they are around 24. ;-) now if you got the kiss kicking then just go with the flow...take your time! there is no rush and the signals will be very strong on how far she wants you to go. if you do get her in the sack don't even think about busting a nut and not getting her off. that will be the last time you here from her. making her cum like crazy is a whole other animal but just keep in mind to take your time. so that is it...follow these steps and you will be in her pants in not time. oh...btw, you can ignore all this if you are rich and have a huge cock.

-JD

 
CLIP OF THE WEEK
This is our special section that will bring you a new sublime clip every week. It will either be filmed by us or sent in by you guys.


Penis Tools?!?!
 
 

to view clip: right click mouse and choose "save target as" option. save the file "screwtest.mpg" to your desktop. once downloaded simply double click the new "screwtest.mpg" icon on your desktop to watch the movie.


Screw it in, Screw it out!


Video contributions or suggestions to webmaster@sublimedirectory.com.
 
 


STRANGE NEWS HEADLINES
July marked the appearance of a glossy, 32-page publication, Mainline Lady, funded by the Health Ministry in the Netherlands and designed to resemble a newsstand fashion magazine, for the purpose of helping drug-addicted women feel better about their health and appearance. Included are articles on rejuvenating heroin-ravaged dry skin, putting on weight, and disguising needle marks with makeup, as well as an upbeat horoscope column tailored to the everyday problems of drug addicts. [Fox News-The Times (London), 7-30-01]

 
BEAT THE CAPTION-- GET FREE STUFF!

This is your chance to make a difference! Send in the caption that you think best suits "this weeks" picture below. If you win you get a free sublime T!

This Weeks



Last Weeks

Winner
"Andy Dick's rehab photo" -Justin
Runnerups
"Rule number three is on appropriate clothing for picking up chicks at a Star Trek convention" - Grandy
"Hi my name is Steve and I am a virgin!" -D

Archived Issues:
| 06-18-2001 | 06-25-2001 | 07-02-2001 | 07-09-2001 | 07-16-2001 |
| 07-23-2001 | 07-30-2001 | 08-06-2001 |




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