This week's sublime times features more Jokes, cool sites, cheat tips, and of course
Sex questions... all of them for you by you... Of course we will sweeten the pot and throw
world famous sublime T-shirts and hats if we use your submission on ANY of the sections below...
Email entrees to mailto:webmaster@sublimedirectory.com?subject=stimes. Please give us feedback too!
| JOKE OF THE WEEK |
| A couple went golfing one day at a very exclusive course lined with million dollar homes. On the third tee, the husband cautioned, “Honey, be careful when you drive. If we break one of those windows, it’ll cost us a fortune to repair.” Of course, she immediately shanked her drive right through the window of the biggest house on the course. The husband cringed, “I warned you to watch out! Now we’ll have to go up there and apologize and see how much that lousy drive is going to cost us.” They walked up, knocked on the door, and a warm voice said, “Come on in.” When they opened the door they saw glass all over the place and a broken antique bottle lying on its side near the broken window. A man reclining on the couch asked, “Are you the people that broke the window?” “Uh…yeah, we’re very sorry about that,” the husband replied. “Oh, no apology is necessary. Actually I want to thank you. You see, I’m a genie, and I’ve been trapped in that bottle for a thousand years. Now that you’ve released me, I’m allowed to grant three wishes. I’ll give you each one wish, and I’ll keep the last one for myself.” “Wow, that’s great!” the husband said. He pondered a moment and blurted out, “I’d like a million dollars a year for the rest of my life.” “No problem,” said the genie, “You’ve got it. I have already put a million dollars in your bank account. It’s the least I can do.” “And now you, young lady, what do you want?” the genie asked. “I’d like to own a gorgeous home complete with servants in every country in the world,” she said. “Consider it done. The deeds are now in your name,” the genie said. “And now,” the couple both asked in unison, “what’s your wish, genie?” “Well, since I’ve been trapped in that bottle and haven’t been with a woman in a thousand years, my wish is to have sex with your wife.” The husband looked at his wife and said, “Gee, honey, you know we both now have a fortune, and all those houses. What do you think?” She mulled it over for a few moments and said, “You know, you’re right. Considering all that, I guess I wouldn’t mind.” The genie and the woman went upstairs where he ravished her for the rest of the afternoon. Both satisfied each other repeatedly, and afterwards, the genie rolled over and looked at the wife and asked, “How old are you and your husband?” “Why, we’re both thirty-five,” she responded breathlessly. “No shit! Thirty-five years old and both of you still believe in genies?” |
| SITES OF THE WEEK |
| Ex Girlfriend Gallery - ABC's of your ex. |
| Judge Babes - How drunk do you have to be to lay this one. |
| Car Wrecks! -The Ferrari makes you want to cry! |
| Homer Simpson - Hero for Everyman. |
| Crazy Drunk Guy - Prank Calls. |
| Pictionary - Win Lose and Draw! |
| TIPS & TRICKS |
| Free Stuff |
| Tired of spending big bucks on tires for your car? Now, as long as you own the car, you should never have to pay for tires again. Most major tire store chains offer some sort of road hazard warranty. You know, the kind of warranty salesman grease you into buying that typically covers you against damage resulting from Nordic swordsmen and little else? Well, when you finally break down and buy new tires, be sure to purchase this warranty along with them, because the company will replace your tires for a nominal fee if you get a nail stuck in the sidewall. (It must be the sidewall for replacement). About once a year, pound a nail into the sidewall of one of your tires and go back to the store for free or nearly free replacement. You can get all four tires replaced by taking one tire each to a different location of the same store. I have a sports car that goes through tires almost yearly, and haven't paid for tires in almost 4 years. |
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ASK DOCTOR
JD |
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Hey Doc JD, Q: submitted by
Monk |
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A: -JD |
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CLIP OF THE WEEK | ||||
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This is our special section that will bring you
a new sublime clip every week. It will either be filmed by us or
sent in by you guys. | ||||
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Blew Up?!?! | ||||
to view clip: right click mouse and choose "save target as" option. save the file "blow.mpg" to your desktop. once downloaded simply double click the new "blow.mpg" icon on your desktop to watch the movie. Video contributions or suggestions to mailto:webmaster@sublimedirectory.com?subject=stimes_video. |
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BEAT THE
CAPTION-- GET FREE STUFF! | ||||
This is your chance to make a difference! Send in the caption that you think best suits "this weeks" picture below. If you win you get a free sublime T!  Last Weeks  Winner "she learned the three rings of marriage: the engagement ring, the wedding ring, and the suffering!! " -Crown Runnerups "China's new mandatory form of birth control for newlyweds" - Bryan "Soon Yi chose to blow her head off rather than marry Woody!" -Mc Bosky | ||||