|JOKE OF THE
A couple went golfing one day
at a very exclusive course lined with million dollar homes. On the
third tee, the husband cautioned, “Honey, be careful when you drive.
If we break one of those windows, it’ll cost us a fortune to
repair.” Of course, she immediately shanked her drive right through
the window of the biggest house on the course. The husband cringed,
“I warned you to watch out! Now we’ll have to go up there and
apologize and see how much that lousy drive is going to cost us.”
They walked up, knocked on the door, and a warm voice said, “Come on
in.” When they opened the door they saw glass all over the place and
a broken antique bottle lying on its side near the broken window. A
man reclining on the couch asked, “Are you the people that broke the
window?” “Uh…yeah, we’re very sorry about that,” the husband
replied. “Oh, no apology is necessary. Actually I want to thank you.
You see, I’m a genie, and I’ve been trapped in that bottle for a
thousand years. Now that you’ve released me, I’m allowed to grant
three wishes. I’ll give you each one wish, and I’ll keep the last
one for myself.” “Wow, that’s great!” the husband said. He pondered
a moment and blurted out, “I’d like a million dollars a year for the
rest of my life.” “No problem,” said the genie, “You’ve got it. I
have already put a million dollars in your bank account. It’s the
least I can do.” “And now you, young lady, what do you want?” the
genie asked. “I’d like to own a gorgeous home complete with servants
in every country in the world,” she said. “Consider it done. The
deeds are now in your name,” the genie said. “And now,” the couple
both asked in unison, “what’s your wish, genie?” “Well, since I’ve
been trapped in that bottle and haven’t been with a woman in a
thousand years, my wish is to have sex with your wife.” The husband
looked at his wife and said, “Gee, honey, you know we both now have
a fortune, and all those houses. What do you think?” She mulled it
over for a few moments and said, “You know, you’re right.
Considering all that, I guess I wouldn’t mind.” The genie and the
woman went upstairs where he ravished her for the rest of the
afternoon. Both satisfied each other repeatedly, and afterwards, the
genie rolled over and looked at the wife and asked, “How old are you
and your husband?” “Why, we’re both thirty-five,” she responded
breathlessly. “No shit! Thirty-five years old and both of you still
believe in genies?”
|SITES OF THE
Gallery - ABC's of your ex.
|Judge Babes - How drunk do
you have to be to lay this one.
-The Ferrari makes you want to cry!
Simpson - Hero for Everyman.
|Crazy Drunk Guy - Prank Calls. |
- Win Lose and Draw!
|Free Stuff |
|Tired of spending big bucks
on tires for your car? Now, as long as you own the car, you should
never have to pay for tires again. Most major tire store chains
offer some sort of road hazard warranty. You know, the kind of
warranty salesman grease you into buying that typically covers you
against damage resulting from Nordic swordsmen and little else?
Well, when you finally break down and buy new tires, be sure to
purchase this warranty along with them, because the company will
replace your tires for a nominal fee if you get a nail stuck in the
sidewall. (It must be the sidewall for replacement). About once a
year, pound a nail into the sidewall of one of your tires and go
back to the store for free or nearly free replacement. You can get
all four tires replaced by taking one tire each to a different
location of the same store. I have a sports car that goes through
tires almost yearly, and haven't paid for tires in almost 4 years. |
Hey Doc JD,
Q: submitted by
Dude! I need Ur Help! Im a 23 Year old Dude at
Chapel Hill (go Tarheels) and I cant please a women at all! This
will be the 4rth Time I have sex, and I really wana please this
chik. How do I make her cum till her knees knock! I need ur help, or
I will have a unsatisfied women with Man Cum on her face! Help!
hill is where my dad is from. dad is that you? no j/k. ok..lets get
to business here. pleasing a woman is a serious matter. making her
cum hard will actually kill two birds (or should i say beavers) with
one stone. first she will think of you as a real man and second
chiks talk...you definately want to be marked as the man that can
deliver a bevy of orgasms. the first thing we need to do is
determine the kind of girl we are working with here. does she have a
hidden clit, medium exposed clit, or monster exposed one inch clit.
they all require a different plan of attack. i am going to assume
she has a medium clit and kinda stay in the middle of the road here
(i will attack the two extremes in some later sublime times issues
if someone requests). there is one theme we need to keep in mind
while making a woman cum....tempo. women take a lot longer than a
man to get going and especially to cum. plus, they have to be
comfortable with themselves and you in order to get in the O zone.
now...lets get started on the plan you are going to follow. you are
going to start off with kissing...nice and slow for a good 5
minutes. don't try and pull her tonsils out either...nice and
relaxed. towards the end start with some nice petting. tweak the
nipples and massage her boobs a little. now go down and play with
her nipples a little. your hand, mouth, tongue...use them all and
take your time..another 5-10 minutes on this area. now reach down,
while you are playing with her nipples, and gently stroke her pussy.
really lightly and slowly. do this for a good ten minutes and really
tease her pussy. don't spend too much time on the clit area...just
lightly rub the whole area. now it is time to peel off her pants and
give her some oral pleasure. again take your time...do not flick
your tongue over her clit at a million miles per hour right off the
bat. tease the whole are for another 5-10 minutes before you even
pay attention to her clit. after a while it will be time to step it
up a little. i'll tell you two techniques for now(i can not give up
all my secrets). one way is to imagine your tongue to be the flame
of a candle. let your tongue flicker all over her clit the way a
flame flickers...alternating between light licks and hard licks. the
other is to do the letters of the alphabet with your tongue on top
of her clit. on both techniques you need to pay special attention to
her breathing. the tempo of your licking should match the tempo of
her breathing. slowly build up speed and pressure as her breathing
begins to pick up. about half way through slip on one finger in with
your palm facing up. gently rub the roof of her pussy with your
index finger (and make sure your nails are clipped!). keep the
finger movement and the licking going at a steady pace. don't stop
until her breathing really begins to pick up. at this point you
really need to increase the pressure with your tongue (unless she
has one of those super huge clits like i was talking about before
but that is a whole other issue) but keeping the tongue focused on
the clit area. your tongue should not be going back and forth more
than a TENTH of an inch. after a while (i've seen as little as a
couple of minutes and as long as 45 minutes) her whole body is going
to start to pulse and start to cum...don't loose focus! as soon as
she starts to cum slow down just a bit. after a moment speed it up
again and then slow it down again. using this technique you can keep
her coming for several minutes. after she has cum all over your face
give her a few minutes of really light, soft licks..this will give
her a nice cool down. now this is just one technique of many...there
is a time and a place for rough and fast but this is a sure thing
for now. intercourse? those techniques i will save for a later
issue....but try this out and let us know how it goes.
remember...you show that cooter who's boss!
CLIP OF THE WEEK
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|Richard S. Markey, 44,
convicted in Hartford, Conn., of defrauding investors of $4.8
million, wrote U.S. marshals in April that he thought he had
presented a strong case for his innocence and that therefore
he wouldn't be reporting to prison as scheduled on May 2, but
rather was going to a relative's place near Syracuse, N.Y.,
and that if he didn't hear anything more from the marshals, he
would consider the case closed. (He did hear from them; they
looked him up and re-arrested him. During his trial, Markey
had described himself not as a "person" subject to the laws of
the U.S., but as a "sovereign," and besides, he claimed the
charges had to be dismissed because the prosecutor had spelled
his name in all-capitals on the indictment.) [Hartford
CAPTION-- GET FREE STUFF!
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make a difference! Send in the caption that you think best suits
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"she learned the three
rings of marriage: the engagement ring, the wedding ring, and the
suffering!! " -Crown
"China's new mandatory
form of birth control for newlyweds" - Bryan
"Soon Yi chose to
blow her head off rather than marry Woody!" -Mc