For The Week Of 08/22/2005
Happy with all the porn you are taking off sublime.. time to give something back...
This week's sublime times features more jokes, cool sites, cheat tips, and of course
Sex questions... all of them for you by you... Of course we will sweeten the pot and throw
world famous sublime T-shirts and hats if we use your submission on ANY of the sections below...
Email entrees to webmaster@sublimedirectory.com. Please give us feedback too!

JOKE OF THE WEEK


A man is stumbling through the woods, totally drunk,
when he comes upon a preacher baptizing people in
the river. He proceeds to walk into the water and
subsequently bumps into the preacher.

The preacher turns around and is almost overcome
by the smell of alcohol, whereupon he asks the drunk,
"Are you ready to find Jesus?"

The drunk answers, "Yes, I am."

So the preacher grabs him and dunks him in the water.
He pulls him up and asks the drunk, "Brother have
you found Jesus?"

The drunk replies, "No, I haven't found Jesus."

The preacher, shocked at the answer, dunks him into
the water again for a little longer. He again pulls him
out of the water and asks again. "Have you found
Jesus my brother?"

The drunk again answers, "No, I haven't found Jesus."

By this time the preacher is at his wits end and dunks
the drunk in the water again --- but this time holds him
down for about 30 seconds. When he begins kicking his
arms and legs, the preacher pulls him up and again
asks the drunk, "For the love of God have you found Jesus?

The drunk wipes his eyes and catches his breath and
says to the preacher,

"Are you sure this is where he fell in?"

SITES OF THE WEEK
Every Scar -Has A Story!
Flash Earth -Very Cool!
Simpons -Pre-Fox
Pimp That Phone-Contest!
Techno -History Of!
RumbleWood -Game Of The Week!
Tip and Trick of the Week
Cheat...Booze In A Concert
When I worked concert security back in the day some dude used this trick to get booze inside the concert and I didn't catch it until I saw him later (of course I let him go because it was such a cool idea) Take a new colostomy bag, fill it with bourbon (gotta be dark booze) duct tape it up high on your side so only the bottom of the bag is exposed when you pull up your shirt, wait for the guy to search you. Pull the shirt up to expose the bottom of the bag and tell the security guy " Oh man, I'm sorry its my colostomy bag, I shit into this bag because I had colon cancer, and had to have my colon removed. Its really gross to disconnect it, and when I do I have to replace it with a new one (produce the new one). What do you want me to do?" The security guy is gonna let you in...believe me.....


contributions or suggestions to webmaster@sublimedirectory.com
ASK TINA

Q: submited by Micheal
I was wondering what I could do to help get my girlfriend off during intercourse. I took her virginity this year at the age 19 and have been unsuccessful getting her to orgasm. Every time we have sex it has been incredible and she gets so close to orgasm but does not make it. We have been very open and been great about communicating but I'm just not sure what else would help.

A:
First of all, big props to you for caring so much about your girlfriend's pleasure and wanting to improve your already good sex life, and congratulations to both of you for communicating openly. You're already light-years ahead of many of your peers and are probably enjoying your sex a lot more because of it. Now to the problem - your girlfriend isn't getting off during intercourse. This is not at all uncommon - up to 70% of women cannot climax through intercourse alone; they need additional clitoral stimulation to put them over the edge. The clitoris is the female analog of the penis, and it usually doesn't get much of a direct hit from vaginal intercourse. Imagine you were getting a blow job, but the girl was only sucking on your balls, and your cock wasn't getting any love. You'd have a hard time coming, too, and it wouldn't be a very satisfactory BJ. For most women, intercourse is a similar experience - tantalizingly pleasurable yet ultimately frustrating. The solution is to get the clit involved. One way to do this is to change the way you are having intercourse. Try new positions that allow her clit to be accessed for manual stimulation. You can fuck her doggie style, or have her lay with her butt scooched down to the end of the bed while you kneel upright on the floor and enter her. Then either you or she can touch her clit while you're having intercourse. If she likes vibrators, you can use one on her clit, which will virtually guarantee orgasm. You can also experiment with positions that line up your pubic bones in such a way that she can get clit stimulation by grinding against you. Keep in mind that this kind of grinding and rubbing, rather than pounding, thrusting penetration, is more likely to help her climax. Another solution is for you to try using a cock ring with a clit stimulator attached. If the idea of putting on a cock ring is scary, don't worry - the kinds I'm talking about aren't bondage or S/M toys. They're made of soft, super stretchy material (jelly, silicone, or Cyberskin) that fits safely and comfortably around the base of your erect penis. On the top side of the ring is a nub, bump, or ridged protrusion that aligns with the clitoris during insertion. Many of these devices incorporate a tiny vibrator to increase stimulation, which will also feel good on your cock. Try one out and see if it doesn't elevate your intercourse to new levels of pleasure for both of you.

-Tina

 
CLIP OF THE WEEK
This is our special section that will bring you a new sublime clip every week. It will either be filmed by us or sent in by you guys.


Surfs Up Dudes!
 
 

to view clip: right click video and choose "save target as" option. save the file "surf.wmv" to your desktop. once downloaded simply double click the new "surf.wmv" icon on your desktop to watch the movie.




Video contributions or suggestions to webmaster@sublimedirectory.com.
 
 


STRANGE NEWS HEADLINES
A veteran Chicago Police officer is expected in court today, accused of ordering women during two separate traffic stops to flash him and, in one case, to "do a little dance" without her panties. Mike Allegretti, who works in the Albany Park District, was charged Thursday with bribery and official misconduct, a law enforcement source said. The incidents occurred in November 2004 and May 2005, the source said. In the November incident, Allegretti allegedly made a traffic stop on the 4700 block of West Irving after the woman ran a red light. The woman didn't have a driver's license or proof of insurance and she admitted to Allegretti to being an illegal alien. At that point, Allegretti allegedly told the woman: "Flash me." The woman refused. Later, after Allegretti had arrested the woman and taken her to the Albany Park station, he allegedly told her he wouldn't write her a ticket for having no insurance if she flashed him. The woman again refused, but did open her jacket, the source said. Allegretti then told the woman to return the following day to the location of the traffic stop, where she was to dance for him without her underwear on, the source said. The woman didn't return and called police. During the May traffic stop on the 3900 block of West Eddy, Allegretti told another woman to show him her breasts after he learned she was driving on a ticket, but didn't have the ticket with her, the source said. Allegretti then allegedly told the woman to follow him to a nearby alley, but she refused and instead told him to give her a ticket. Allegretti allegedly then told her to leave. The woman immediately called police, the source said. Allegretti was taken off patrol duty a day after the May incident, the source said.
 
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"camel dough!!"-Honey
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"Credit cards also accepted"-Team Hitman
"Proof! Pussy will take your money."-AJ



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