For The Week Of 09/17/01
Happy with all the porn you are taking off sublime.. time to give something back...
This week's sublime times features more Jokes, cool sites, cheat tips, and of course
Sex questions... all of them for you by you... Of course we will sweeten the pot and throw
world famous sublime T-shirts and hats if we use your submission on ANY of the sections below...
Email entrees to Please give us feedback too!


There's a farmer with a herd of pigs and he wants to have a really good litter, so he calls the local vet and asks his opinion. The vet tells him to artificially inseminate them to get the best results. Well the farmer not being a bright guy thinks this means he has to fuck the pigs himself. So he asked the vet what the pigs will do if it works, and the vet says that they will roll in the mud the day after. So the farmer and vet end their conversation and off goes the farmer to try and get some pigs pregnant. The farmer loads them all up in the truck and takes them down to the river and bangs everyone of the pigs, loads them up and brings them home. He wakes up in the norning and they arent rolling in the mud, so he gives it another go. So the farmer and the pigs load up and head down to the river. By the time he is done he is quite tired and decides that he will try it one more time and if it doesnt work he is gonna have words with the vet. So he wakes up and no rolling in the mud, takes the pigs down to the river for one last round. By the last one he cant even walk, he gets home and falls right asleep. The next morning he cant even move and his wife asks him whats wrong, and he asked her to go to the window and see if the pigs are rolling in the mud. Well she comes back with a puzzled look on her face and asks whats wrong and if they are rolling around, she says no, but the pigs are all in the truck and ones honking the horn.
Tribute - for the victims.
Kids Feelings - Kids express feelings!
World Cries - Vigils Around The World!
Charity! -Give to the relif fund!
Kill Bin Laden - Shoot Him Kingdom Come.
Look Sharp!
Not the most secret tip, but definitely one of the more useful. Gotta a big date, a wedding, or some other fancy event. If you need to iron your clothes, make sure you hang your clothes in the bathroom and either take a hot shower or let the hot water run. As long as the bathroom door is cloased, the steam will remove the wrinkles from your shirt, pants, and suit (dress too), without the ironing hassle; and if the shoes need a shine, use a small towel and the inside of a banana to get that two dollar shoeshine luster u can only get from a pro.

Hey Doc JD,

Q: submitted by A

I'm 20 years old, and recently became engaged, then unengaged. I was with the girl for 15 months, being engaged for the last three of them. Well, to make a long story short, one day, she quit putting out, then shortly thereafter quit talking to me, then moved out. . . She gave me one of those "I don't know myself anymore. . . " lines, like we've all heard, then the world famous "I don't want or need anybody else right now. . . " Next thing I know she's dating this other guy, and it drives me absolutely fucking nuts. I try talking to her, but that gets me nowhere but more pissed off, as I tend to find out more shit that I didn't want to hear. Worst of all, no matter how hard I try, I can't get her out of my head. So here's the question: How do I get over her??? Everybody has a different idea, and I've tried them all, partying my ass off, lots of booze, all sorts of other "refreshments" so to speak, meeting new people, meeting new women, banging new women, (the whole broken heart/lost the love of my life thing works pretty well. . .;), but no matter what I do, if I'm alone for more than 5 minutes, I almost lose it. Tweek pretty well kept my mind off her, but anybody that's ever been there knows that stuff is NOT FUCKING GOOD FOR YOU. I don't want to nor can I afford to go to a shrink, and as for zoloft, prozac, etc, I don't want to have to do drugs. People argue with me, but I say just because Dr. Johnson perscribes it to you and you're not buying from "Wade the Blade" down the street, it's still a drug, and makes you into someone you aren't. So help me out here Doc, I read your column regularly, and you seem like you know your shit. What do I do to put her out of my mind??? Too much longer, and I'm not going to have much of a mind left.

first off let me tell you that you are better off without this girl. a two faced person that can develop a whole other relationship while still going out with you is definitely not one you want to be with (which is what had to be going on if you ask me). or even associate with for that matter (rule 1 to a happy life, don't surround yourself with shitty people). so don't even think about wasting your time calling this girl! plus, she will get what is coming to her. like i always say "you reap what you sow." karma in one form or another is very real and as long as this girl keeps doing shit like that life will continue to bite her in the ass. keeping that in mind lets go over some of the other things that may have been affected as a result of this breakup. and companionship. you are probably going to miss the fact that it is a little easier to get some trim at 4 in the morning when you already have a girl in your bed but that comes with both pros and cons. plus you mentioned that you have already banged some other chiks so you have been successful at keeping the baby batter off the brain. so the only problem you are left with is when you are alone and used to having someone to talk to..we have all been there. you could get a new girlfriend..but why bother, have some fun and go solo for a while. being single is just get lonely once in awhile. so how do you have your cake and eat it too? a dog. ever man should have a dog. it is one of the most special bonds you will ever have. i love them so much because they are not jaded by the world...they have the most pure hearts. so what sex and what kind? for the sex..female, hands down. they are sweet hearts, look to you for protection and you can only have one pair of low hangers per household (at least in mine). now the breed is a bit more of a challenging question. i have had all kinds of dogs and i have become partial to mutts and boxers. mutts always have the most amazing temperament and are usually pretty smart. boxers are so pretty and are so sweet. they do tend to be a little hyper though. i could go on for days on this subject but let me just give a few suggestions. get a dog that is small enough to live inside your house or apartment and not destroy it and get a short haired dog. the most important thing is to not get one if you do not have the time to take care of it. so if you have the time i think you should start looking around for a beautiful baby puppy. i can promise you the next time you are alone at night and you have that baby puppy starring you in the eyes the last thing you will be thinking about is that chik that sold you out


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Bombs Away!

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Congratulations on your success in killing innocent people, you no doubt would still send the planes to their destruction even if they contained your mothers, sisters, and daughters. Your ability to destroy life is deplorable, not applaudable, understand that your actions have not succeeded in scaring even one red-blooded American. Every reasonable person on this world can plainly see that your actions are those of desperate, depraved people, and if not for our overwhelming desire to collectively rip your blackened, rotted heart out of your bodies, we would indeed feel pity for people such as yourselves. Is there an empty feeling inside you that just cannot be filled, have you ever know the love of your own mother? It's a shame because you didn't need to destroy life to try and fill that void within you, for all would-be terrorists, know that there is an easier alternative. If the emptiness within you ever becomes so powerful as to pull you towards a path of eternal destruction (self or otherwise), try this remedy: 1. Move to a land where people are free to think and feel what they want, a land where the citizenry is united, and while they're not immune from petty bickering, they still live and breathe as a nation, a land where every citizen is important, and can make a difference. 2. Work, function, and live in this land for a short while, feel the warmth of your neighbors, strike up a conversation with your local merchants, invite your friends over for a barbeque, and watch your children simply be children, feel an innocence in them that can only be exhibited by a child conceived and raised in love, and in freedom. 3. Finally realize the life that only a country with the conditions mentioned above can provide for you. Admittedly, it sounds tough, but with a strong commitment, and a lot of elbow grease, you can rid yourself of the notion that violence is the only way of life, because it isn't. Continuing with my original thoughts, I again speak to those of you who committed these acts. Know this, understand this, let it seep into every nook and cranny of your conscience, your only escape will be your demise, and I'm not sure how much of an escape it will be, because the shedding of your mortal selves will only signal the beginning of an eternity of damnation in the deepest crevices, of the fieriest hell imaginable. Have no doubts about the resolve of the greatest nation in the world to not rest until you have been hunted down and exterminated like the vermin you are. No stone shall remain unturned, and the shadows in which you hide will not provide adequate shelter for you and your fellow cowards. I cannot pretend to speak for every resident of the United States, but I believe I can speak for every red-blooded American, if you ever grow any resemblance of male genitalia, the next time you see a red-blooded American, approach him, not just women and children who don't see you coming. You will know us when you see us, a dead give-away is the American flag we fly with pride, don't let its awesome presence intimidate you, please, approach us, and try to stick the knife in our fronts this time, and learn what true power is, as we methodically tear you limb from limb. We all pray for the souls of those brave Americans who have lost their lives to this despicable action, and despite your actions, we still take comfort in knowing we live in the greatest nation on this Earth. - By A Proud American!


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This Weeks

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"When asked, Busta Rhymes said he "was young and needed the money" -Paul
"Oprah strung out on her way to her first swingers party" - Barry
"...."i pity the fool who don't gimme some dick!!!" !!!" -R

Archived Issues:
| 06-18-2001 | 06-25-2001 | 07-02-2001 | 07-09-2001 | 07-16-2001 |
| 07-23-2001 | 07-30-2001 | 08-06-2001 | 08-13-2001 | 08-20-2001 |
| 08-27-2001 | 09-03-2001 | 09-10-2001 |

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