For The Week Of 09/17/2007
Happy with all the porn you are taking off sublime.. time to give something back...
This week's sublime times features more jokes, cool sites, cheat tips, and of course
Sex questions... all of them for you by you... Of course we will sweeten the pot and throw
world famous sublime T-shirts and hats if we use your submission on ANY of the sections below...
Email entrees to webmaster@sublimedirectory.com. Please give us feedback too!

JOKE OF THE WEEK

One day, John’s tennis elbow was acting up and he decided to stop in and see a doctor. When he got to the doctor’s office the nurse told him he could see the doctor in 15 minutes but, first he’d have to give a urine sample. John said that this was absurd but, the nurse insisted and John complied. 15 minutes later, John was ushered in to see the doctor. “So that tennis elbow is really acting up, huh?” the doctor said. “The nurse must have told you,” said John, wondering how the Doctor knew. “No. It was in your urinalysis.” and the doctor continued to say that he had just purchased this new machine that could diagnose every physical condition with total accuracy based on the urine contents. John didn’t believe a word of this but he did agree to provide another urine sample on check-up visit. Two days later, John was sitting at the kitchen table with his wife and his teenage daughter. He was telling them about this ridiculous machine when he had an idea. John decided to have a little fun with the doctor and pissed in the bottle as did his wife and teenage daughter. Then while walking to his garage he had yet another brainstorm. John put a few drops of oil from his crankcase in the jar and even beat off and put a few drops of semen in the jar. He drove to the doctors office, shook the bottle, then handed it to the nurse. This time his urinalysis took half an hour. Finally, John was ushered in to see the doctor. The doctor looked at him with an agitated look in his face and said, “I’ve got some bad news. Your daughter is pregnant, your wife’s got V. D., your car is about to throw a rod, and if you don’t stop beating off that tennis elbow is never gonna heal!”

SITES OF THE WEEK
Never Caught -While Fishing!
Making Faces -Be creative!
Test Your Senses -Take It!
Sports! -and hot chicks!
Create Your Own -Glass Giant!
TMNT2!-Game Of The Week!
TIPS AND TRICKS
A CLEAN LCD SCREEN
The “L” in LCD stands for “liquid,” and what holds this liquid in is not a glass plate like you remember having on your big, heavy CRT or television. It’s soft plastic, and you’ve got to treat it very delicately. So, first of all, let’s decide what we don’t use to clean it: * Anything containing bleach or ammonia, such as Windex. That will react with the plastic and make the plastic screen become cloudy and discolored. * Anything sharp, pointy or abrasive. Your easiest choice is one of those LCD cleaning solutions they sell in places where they sell computers. But they’re expensive, and why bother when you can make your own solution for next to nothing?
What you’ll need:
* Distilled water (available at your supermarket; tap water leaves streaks and minerals). * White vinegar (you may substitute isopropyl alcohol; either way, make sure these substances are diluted before they come near your screen). * A clean, soft cloth (never use any kind of paper product). * A spray bottle. Directions: 1. In the spray bottle, mix the distilled water and alcohol/vinegar, in a 1:1 ratio. 2. Turn off the LCD display. 3. Spray the mixture onto the cloth, never directly onto the screen. 4. Wipe gently – oh, so gently – from top to bottom. Do it horizontally, too, if you think that leaves a cleaner result. 5. Let the screen dry before turning it back on. Hands Off! Fingers leave dirt and oil smudges that must be cleaned off. Also, every time you touch the screen you risk doing damage to those tiny creatures inside that hold the colored flashlights. Keep your fingers to yourself.

Feel free to send contributions or suggestions to webmaster@sublimedirectory.com
ASK TINA

Q: submited by Zach
My partner and I like to get busy as often as we can. On several occasions after we have intercourse I notice that a creamy fluid comes out of her vagina. Now, I know I haven’t released any of my army men inside her. Should that be something I should worry about?

A:
That creamy fluid is the only reason why your penis is taking up any real estate in her vagina. When a woman is sexually aroused, the walls of her vagina secrete a lubricant; this is what is referred to by the street-savvy youth of today as “getting wet.” Without this lubricant, it would be very difficult for your penis to enter her vagina, and once it did, intercourse would probably be painful and uncomfortable for her. So there’s no need for you to jump back in horror the next time you’re “getting busy;” your partner doesn’t have an STD or some kind of undiagnosed illness you need to worry about. Vaginal secretion isn’t a contagious disease.

-Tina

 
CLIP OF THE WEEK
This is our special section that will bring you a new sublime clip every week. It will either be filmed by us or sent in by you guys.


Youngest DJ's Battle!

 
 


Video contributions or suggestions to mailto:webmaster@sublimedirectory.com
 
 


STRANGE NEWS HEADLINES
Someone tries to sell Belgium on eBay
Associated Press Writer
Sep 18, 1:08 AM ET
BRUSSELS, Belgium - Hidden among the porcelain fox hounds and Burberry tablecloths on sale at eBay.be this week was an unusual item: "For Sale: Belgium, a Kingdom in three parts ... free premium: the king and his court (costs not included)." The odd ad was posted by one disgruntled Belgian in protest at his country's political crisis which reached a 100-day landmark Tuesday with no end in sight to the squabbling between Flemish and Walloon politicians. "I wanted to attract attention," said Gerrit Six, the teacher and former journalist who posted the ad. "You almost have to throw rock through a window to get attention for Belgium." Six placed the advertisement on Saturday, offering free delivery, but pointing out that the country was coming secondhand and that potential buyers would have to take on over $300 billion (euro220 billion) in national debt. Like many of Belgium's 10 million citizens, Six is exasperated that the power struggle between the county's French- or Dutch-speaking political parties has left Belgium in political limbo since June 10 elections. Demands for more autonomy from the Dutch-speaking Flemish are resisted by the French-speaking Walloons, making it impossible to form a government coalition and triggering concern the kingdom is on the verge of a breakup. Six decided to vent his frustration through the Internet ad. "My proposal was to make it clear that Belgium was valuable, it's a masterpiece and we have to keep it," he told Associated Press Television News. "It's my country and I'm taking care of it, and with me are millions of Belgians." Six' idea got a mixed reaction on the streets of Brussels. "Very funny, typical Belgian humor," said Anne Graux. "It's ridiculous," snapped Nathalie Ginot, a Brussels resident who had her own pragmatic solution to Belgium's woes. "We think it would be good to split Belgium into the three and make Brussels a tax-haven, a capital exempt from all taxes," she said hopefully. Six vaunted Belgium's attractions to potential buyers from art nouveau architecture to the headquarters of NATO and the European Union and some great beers. But he also warned of the pitfalls of taking on the cacophonous mix of Flemish nationalists, Walloon Socialists and the mayors of all 19 Brussels' boroughs. EBay was happy to take Six' advertisement. "It was a really fun listing made by a Belgian," Peter Burin, PR manager of eBay Belgium. "This person, in a very funny way, reminded the Belgians what a great country Belgium actually is and it would be a shame to sell it." However, the company decided to pull the add Tuesday after receiving a bid of euro10 million ($14 million) "We decided to take it down, just to avoid confusion," he told APTN.
 
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This Weeks



Last Weeks

Winner
"Teaching her daughter about her first period was not as easy as she thought."-Dan
Runners-up
"Next month we'll be more careful about when we schedule the female wrestling"-Brian
"I said gimmie my last tampon you bitch!"-George



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