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OF THE WEEK
A guy sees a sign in front of a house in Santa Barbara: "Talking Dog for Sale."
He rings the bell and the owner tells him the dog is in the backyard. The guy goes into the backyard and sees a black mutt just sitting there.
"You talk?" he asks.
"Sure do." the dog replies.
"So, what's your story?"
The dog looks up and says, "Well, I discovered my gift of talking pretty young and I wanted to help the government, so I told the CIA about my gift, and in no time they had me jetting from country to country, sitting in rooms with spies and world leaders, because no one figured a dog would be eavesdropping. I was one of their most valuable spies eight years running."
"The jetting around really tired me out, and I knew I wasn't getting any younger and I wanted to settle down. So I signed up for a job at the airport to do some undercover security work, mostly wandering near suspicious characters and listening in."
"I uncovered some incredible dealings there and was awarded a batch of medals. Had a wife, a mess of puppies, and now I'm just retired."
The guy is amazed. He goes back in and asks the owner what he wants for the dog.
The owner says, "Ten bucks."
The guy says, "This dog is amazing. So tell me, why on earth are you selling him so cheap?"
"Cause he's a fucking liar. He didn't do any of that shit."
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How do I get a woman to wear kneehigh socks and let me hump her leg till I cum?
Well i think it depends if it's a new gf or a long standing one. It also depends how open minded she is.
I would start by mentioning that you like knee high socks on girls/women. See if she will wear them for you, let her know how sexy she is in them and how turned on you get seeing her in them. If you get a hard on just by seeing her in them let her know that. I don't mean whack your cock out lol but get her to feel your pants and tell her she's done that :-)
Then let her get used to that idea for a while. After a suitable amount of time has passed then start to make out while she has them on and take it from there. I doubt she will be offended if she knows how much she turns you on while she's wearing them.
Personally, i think it's a cute fetish.
DAYTONA BEACH, FL -- A 75-year-old Florida man was recovering Saturday after accidentally shooting himself while trying to shoot a snake, the Daytona Beach News-Journal reported.
Police responded to a report of a man with a self-inflicted gunshot wound at a home in Volusia, Fla., about 17 miles south of Daytona Beach, at around 4 pm Thursday.
When officers arrived on the scene they found 75-year-old Garrett Bauernschmidt suffering from gunshot wounds to two fingers on his left hand.
His caretaker told police that she had come home to find a large water moccasin snake near the front door. Bauernschmidt got a .38 caliber handgun, fired one shot at the snake and missed. The gun discharged a second time as he manipulated the safety, injuring him. No one else was injured in the incident, and the snake got away.
Bauernschmidt was treated at the scene, then taken to a local hospital. A family member on Saturday told the News-Journal that he was fine but declined further comment.
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