For The Week Of 09/21/2015
Happy with all the porn you're taking off Sublime? Time to give something back...
This week's Sublime times features more jokes, cool sites, cheat tips, and of course
sex questions... all of them for you by you... Of course we will sweeten the pot and throw
world-famous Sublime T-shirts and hats if we use your submission on ANY of the sections below...
Email entries to webmaster@ sublimedirectory.com. Please give us feedback too!

JOKE OF THE WEEK

A man flops down on a subway seat next to a priest. The man's tie is stained, his face is plastered with red lipstick, and a half-empty bottle of gin sticks out of his torn coat pocket. He opens his newspaper and begins reading. After a few minutes, the disheveled guy turns to the priest and asks, "Say, Father, what causes arthritis?" "It's caused by loose living, cheap women and too much alcohol!" "Well, I'll be damned!" the drunk mutters, returning to his paper. The priest thinks about what he has said, nudges the man and apologizes. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have been so unpleasant about it. Tell me, how long have you had arthritis?" "I don't have it, Father. I was just reading here that the pope does!"

SITES OF THE WEEK
Marijuana -Infused Salmon
The Greatest -Regional Sodas
Sexy Babes -Wearing Mesh
The Coolest -Amputation Tattoos
The Internet's -Worst Maps Ever
Going Nowhere -Flash Game
TIPS AND TRICKS
10AppsManager Uninstalls or Reinstalls Windows Apps

Windows 10: Microsoft’s new version of Windows comes with a ton of built-in apps, including some you might not need.

10AppsManager helps you get rid of them or, if you change your mind later, get them back. The app shows a list of just the default Windows 10 apps you may want to get rid of. This is a little bit easier to read than the full list of apps installed on your machine.
You can quickly get rid of them with a couple clicks. If you change your mind, the app walks you through the process of reinstalling the apps.

Feel free to send contributions or suggestions to: webmaster@sublimedirectory.com
ASK MY GF

Q: submitted by Jimsjunk10

"Hi, I started using the Internet to try and find my perfect match about a year ago. Over this year, I have gotten nothing but frustration. Match.com is the biggest waste of time there is. In over 6 months, I contacted over 300 women on Match.com. I did not receive one single positive message in return! I am a decent looking guy. Maybe my profile was boring. I changed it up several times. I have belonged to several other dating and hookup sites. On those sites, I have found that about 75% of the profiles are fake. I have met about 100 women from fucking Ghana whose parents were killed in a car wreck and ended up moving to Ghana to live with the Grandmother...only to ask me for $300 for food the next day because they can't afford to eat. Trust me, if they're from Ghana, they're scamming you. I've had women tell me they want "No strings attached" sex and, even though it's not really what I'm looking for, they claim to at least be in my zip code, so I agree. They then tell me I need to get a "hookup ID" and though they promise it is free, they walk me through an endless number of websites that end up charging me to join. Everything is a scam!!!!!!

Why is it so difficult to find a woman, someone who lives fairly close to where I live, who is looking for a date that could lead to something real. Like I said, it's not really what I want, but I'll agree to have a hot booty call if that's what they want. But, I have not found one real woman on the entire fucking Internet who isn't trying to scam me out of money. I just want to take someone out on a date. I'm a nice, honest, decent gentleman. I am good in bed. I am a good catch. Where are the women? Somebody please help me!!"

A:

"i had the same problem jim. when i was seperated from my wife i met a girl on cragslist. i know most of the profiles for sex are fake. but try to look at the scrictly platonic section thats where i found her and it was a good relationship. and i feel u because i have been there"

-Lovestoeat

Source
 
CLIP OF THE WEEK
This is our special section that will bring you a new Sublime clip every week. It will either be filmed by us or sent in by you guys.

Salmon vs. Mainus


Video contributions or suggestions to: webmaster@ sublimedirectory.com
 
 


STRANGE NEWS HEADLINES
BANGKOK, THAILAND -- A Chinese woman suspected of stealing a $300,000 (£195,000) diamond in the Thai capital, Bangkok, has had the jewel surgically removed from her intestines. She is thought to have swallowed it in order to smuggle it out of the country. The woman is believed to have stolen the six-carat diamond from a jewellery fair on Thursday by swapping it for a fake gemstone. However, she was caught on security cameras at the fair and later arrested at Bangkok's Suvarnabhumi Airport. A man travelling with her was also arrested. Police said the woman initially denied involvement, but an X-ray revealed the diamond lodged inside her. She was initially given laxatives, but when nature failed to take its course, a colonoscope was used to extract the gem. Pol Maj Gen Sanit Mahathavorn, quoted by the Bangkok Post, said the operation had taken about 12 minutes and the woman was recovering in hospital.
 
BEAT THE CAPTION--GET FREE STUFF!

This is your chance to make a difference. Send in the captions that you think best suits "this weeks" picture below.

If you win you get a free Sublime Tee!
Runners up will win a kick ass Sublime Hat!

This Weeks



Last Weeks


Winner
"If she ends up homeless she can squat at my apartment anytime."-TY

Runner-up
"I bet she takes the sexiest dumps."-Marcus



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