For The Week Of 09/19/2005
Happy with all the porn you are taking off sublime.. time to give something back...
This week's sublime times features more jokes, cool sites, cheat tips, and of course
Sex questions... all of them for you by you... Of course we will sweeten the pot and throw
world famous sublime T-shirts and hats if we use your submission on ANY of the sections below...
Email entrees to webmaster@sublimedirectory.com. Please give us feedback too!

JOKE OF THE WEEK


A little old lady answered a knock on the door one day, only to be confronted by a well-dressed young man carrying a vacuum cleaner.

Good morning," said the young man. "If I could take a couple of minutes of your time, I would like to demonstrate the very latest in high-powered vacuum cleaners."

"Go away!" said the old lady. "I haven't got any money! I'M BROKE!!!"

And she proceeded to close the door. Quick as a flash, the young man wedged his foot in the door and pushed it wide open.

"Don't be too hasty!" He said. "Not until you have at least seen my demonstration.." And with that, he emptied a bucket of horse manure onto her hallway carpet.

"If this vacuum cleaner does not remove all traces of this horse manure from your carpet, Madam, I will personally eat the remainder."

The old lady stepped back and said, "Well I hope you've got a damned good appetite, because they cut off my electricity this morning.

SITES OF THE WEEK
Cunt -A Cultural History
Celebrity Jeopardy -Hilarious!
Simply Hired -Get A Job!
My Science Project-A Plus!
Porn -In Sports
Kick Up World Cup -Game Of The Week!
Tip and Trick of the Week
Cheat...Electronic Stores
Here's a crafty way to snag a DVD player discount. Walk into a large electronics store's TV section and mill around until a greaseball sales lackey offers assistance. Talk with him for a while, showing genuine interest in an expensive television, but also making sure to express some reluctance over its steep price. When you've established a good rapport (fondling is strictly optional), ask the salesperson if he can discount a DVD player, since you'll be spending your whole paycheck on the TV. Desperate for a sale and commission, the salesperson should hook you up with a steep discount. Pay for your TV—praying that your rent check hasn't yet cleared—and march out of the store trying best to conceal your sly grin. When you get home, hook up the DVD player but leave the TV in its box. Return it the next day for a refund, saying that there wasn't sufficient space in your living room. The cashier will credit your account for the TV and won't pay any mind to the discounted DVD player. Next up: half-off airbags!

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ASK TINA

Q: submited by Lacost
My girlfriend pushes me away when she starts to come and takes over with her fingers. Is this stingy or what?
A:
Your girlfriend obviously knows what she likes. I can't fault her for that. But her behavior is making you feel left out and probably kind of redundant. It may seem like she doesn't trust you to get her off properly, that she's getting impatient, or like she'd rather just be getting off by herself. It may just be that she needs a very specific stimulation to come -- a certain pressure on a certain spot at a certain speed -- and she feels like only she can duplicate it. Some women just have trouble coming if someone else is doing them. Her behavior does seem a little selfish, because she is ignoring you and focusing only on herself and her own orgasm, but if that's what she needs to do to come, it's better than her not coming at all. You should ask her about it and find out exactly what the deal is and why she feels like she has to finish the job herself. Let her know that it makes you feel left out and you'd really like to help make her come. If she needs to be diddled just so to climax, have her demonstrate her technique and see if she can teach it to you. Be patient and practice, and see if you can get it right. If she needs convincing, just point out that if you can do the work, she can lay back and totally focus what she's feeling and relax as she reaches orgasm. If it turns out that she absolutely can only get off while touching herself, you may have to settle for acting in a supporting role. If that's how it's going to be, negotiate the hand-off during sex so that your feelings don't get trampled. If she can tell you, "I'd like to touch myself now," that's a little kinder than just shoving you out of the way. See if there's something you can do to help while she masturbates herself, like sucking her tits, talking dirty to her, or just holding her. That way you'll at least feel a little more involved, and you might even start to enjoy watching her finger herself.

-Tina

 
CLIP OF THE WEEK
This is our special section that will bring you a new sublime clip every week. It will either be filmed by us or sent in by you guys.


Tootsie Roll!
 
 

to view clip: right click video and choose "save target as" option. save the file "undance.wmv" to your desktop. once downloaded simply double click the new "undance.wmv" icon on your desktop to watch the movie.




Video contributions or suggestions to webmaster@sublimedirectory.com.
 
 


STRANGE NEWS HEADLINES
BERLIN (Reuters) - Italian holidaymakers admiring the view from a fairground Ferris wheel at the Munich Oktoberfest got more than they bargained for when a porn shoot suddenly began inside their cabin, authorities said on Friday. Having settled down to enjoy a leisurely spin on the wheel at the famous beer festival, the group of Italians were quite unprepared for the arrival of two men toting cameras and a woman who started to use a vibrator. Unable to stop the shoot, the Italians informed local police, who promptly arrested the actress and her crew, a political scientist and a 25-year-old student. "They said they weren't doing it for commercial reasons but that they wanted to see how visitors would react," police said. The three have been charged with public indecency.
 
BEAT THE CAPTION-- GET FREE STUFF!

This is your chance to make a difference! Send in the captions that you think best suits "this weeks" picture below. If you win you get a free sublime T!

This Weeks



Last Weeks

Winner
"Why do big girls give better head? Cause they have to!!"-Tickety
Runners-up
"They always say Fat chicks give the best head, Sandy had to find out for herself"-Jackson
"admission 2 the bar=$10
the 12 shots of wild turkey=$30
the look on ur friends face when u tell her this pic is on the net= priceless"-Lisa



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