For The Week Of 09/27/2010
Happy with all the porn you are taking off sublime.. time to give something back...
This week's sublime times features more jokes, cool sites, cheat tips, and of course
Sex questions... all of them for you by you... Of course we will sweeten the pot and throw
world famous sublime T-shirts and hats if we use your submission on ANY of the sections below...
Email entrees to webmaster@sublimedirectory.com. Please give us feedback too!

JOKE OF THE WEEK

A guy is strolling along Vegas Strip when a stunning hooker catches his eye. He strikes up a conversation and eventually asks, "How much?" The Hooker replies, "$500 for a hand-job." The guy's jaw drops: "$500 dollars, For a hand-job! No hand-job is worth that kind of money!" The hooker says, "Do you see that Hard Rock cafe on the corner?" "Yes." "Do you see the Hard Rock about a block further down?" "Yes." "And beyond that, do you see that third Cafe?" "Yes." "Well," says the hooker, smiling invitingly, "I own those. And, I own them because I give a hand-job that's worth $500." The Guy says, "What the hell? I'll give it a try." They retire to a nearby motel. A short time later, the guy is sitting on the bed realizing that he just experienced the hand-job of a lifetime, worth every bit of $500. He is so amazed, he says, "I suppose a blow-job is $1,000?" The hooker replies, "$1,500." "$1,500? No blow-job could be worth that." The hooker replies, "Step over here to the window, big boy. See that casino just across the street? I own it. And I own it because I give a blow-job that's worth every cent of $1,500." The guy, basking in the afterglow of that terrific hand-job, says, "Sign me up." Ten minutes later, he is sitting on the bed more amazed than before. He can't believe it but he feels he truly got his money's worth. He decides to dip into the pension savings for one glorious and unforgettable experience. He asks the hooker, "How much for some pussy?" The hooker says, "Come over here to the window. Do you see how the whole city of Las Vegas is laid out before us, all those beautiful lights, gambling palaces, and showplaces?" "Damn!" the guy says, in awe, "You own the whole city?" "No," the hooker replies, "but I would if I had a pussy."

SITES OF THE WEEK
How to Make a Girl -Squirt!
Random Sex Talk -Generator
Eggs -That I would Like To Fuck
YouTube -Time Machine
Oh Fuck Yeah -Granny Panties!
Crush the Castle -Game of the Week!
TIPS AND TRICKS
Lose Something? Get it Back!:

Replace a Lost or Forgotten Charger for Free: How many times have you left a wall charger behind in a hotel room? If your answer is "zero," well, you're a lucky person. Most of us, though, know the easily forgettable nature of gadget chargers. If you're ever without yours—because you left it at home or left it at the last hotel—simply ask the front desk to look through their "cord spaghetti". Most hotels (and car rental agencies, and some airlines) have a good number of BlackBerry, iPhone, and other device chargers sitting unclaimed under the counter, and they're all too happy to lighten their stock.

Encrypt Your Web Passwords, Don't Store Them Locally: Simply put, your passwords aren't secure, at least if they're sitting on your computer in most systems. You can use a Firefox master password that's more than eight characters with mixed letters, but you've got better options. We're big fans of the any-browser password syncing tool LastPass, but we've also found other password managers, like a KeePass setup, to be a smart way to keep your passwords all in one place, but not a place a ne'er-do-well could get to them.

Keep Your Name and Number Handy for Good Samaritan Finders: Not everyone's out to get your stuff. Once in a while, a good person feels for you when they encounter your lost phone, laptop, or wallet. Keeping your name and a phone number—maybe a Google Voice number to shield your "real" number?)—in your wallet is simple enough. On an iPhone or iPod touch, you can used a Notes screenshot as your lock-screen wallpaper, and do something similar on Android or other phone. Digital cameras and video devices have SD cards where it's easy to digitally "sign" your contact info, and do the same for thumb drives. Go the extra mile, if you'd like, and add a "Reward If Found" label.

Ensure You've Got Alternate Emails and SMS Verification Set Up: Maybe your gear never makes its way back to you. Perhaps you can't track it, or wipe out its data remotely. The one saving grace you can ensure you have is master control over your web-based email, documents, and other data. If you're a Google user, make sure you've set up your account so you can recover and reset your password via SMS, and perhaps enter in a spouse or close friend's number instead of your own, since your phone can go missing. Most other web ecosystems—Hotmail/Windows Live, Yahoo, AOL—offer similar account recovery tools, with alternate email address and SMS options. Take the three minutes now to set it up, and save yourself the 24-hour headache later.

Include a Great Photo Message on Camera Memory: If you found Andrew McDonald's camera, the first set of photos stashed on the memory card of the Australian children's author tell a story about how and why to contact him. Not that stashing a text file on the card with your contact information on it isn't also a great idea, but being seen as a human being by your lost-object finder, rather than an anonymous person with an unknown amount of inconvenience, is a strangely powerful tactic.

Install a Remote Wipe for Your Smartphone: There's a chance you may never find your laptop or cellphone. There's an even greater chance that somebody who's now got access to your email, address book, and personal files can find something to take advantage of inside that device. So set up your system so you can wipe it remotely. On Android, BlackBerry, Symbian, and Windows Mobile phones, there's WaveSecure ($19.90/year), and Android users can also try Norton Security's beta app (comes with 100-day subscription, pricing unavailable), the free service iTag, or craft their own personalized phone tracking tool with the Tasker app. iPhone owners are kind of stuck with Apple's $99/year MobileMe service, which can both track and remotely wipe out your phone's data, but it does seem fairly effective.

Cover All the Bases to Get Your Thumb Drive Back: If you name a file on your portable USB drive "If Lost Contact Steve Smith (321) 555-1234," maybe you'll find the right person and get your files back. Then again, you could just create a folder named "PORN," then fill it with suggestively named image files containing nothing but an image of your contact information.

Install Prey for a Set-and-Forget Tracking System: Hardware-tracking tool Prey has a lot going for it from just a simple glance at it. It's an open-source app, it's available on most any computer system, along with Android phones, and it's free. But best of all, it's the perfect system for lazy owners. Install it, authorize it with Prey's web site, and then you do nothing until it's actually stolen. Flip the switch on the site, and then Prey gets to work grabbing webcam pics, desktop screenshots, all kinds of system and network data, and a geo-location fix, if possible. You can escalate to system lock-downs, loud alarms, warning messages, and some browser data wiping, if you'd like, but you can also just wait for someone to wise up, or make a very identifying mistake.
Feel free to send contributions or suggestions to webmaster@sublimedirectory.com
ASK TINA

Q:submitted by: Joseph

Do girls really cum? how?

A:
Lol, the simplicity of this question made me giggle. Do we cum like you do? No. Some women are squirters, and they will shoot a liquid from their vagina when they orgasm. That's as close to cumming as we get. Some girls will say "I'm gonna cum" in the middle of sex just to indicate that they are having an orgasm. Their muscles convulse and they do produce lubricant in their vaginas, but they don't "cum", no.

-Tina

AskmyGF
 
CLIP OF THE WEEK
This is our special section that will bring you a new sublime clip every week. It will either be filmed by us or sent in by you guys.

Bad Joke: Pilot Scares the Living Shit Out of His Passenger
Video contributions or suggestions to mailto:webmaster@sublimedirectory.com
 
 


STRANGE NEWS HEADLINES
CHEYENNE, Wyo. (AP) - A Cheyenne man who doused himself with white latex paint in hopes of avoiding a police Taser was hit with the stun gun anyway. The Taser chase happened Sept. 16, when Cheyenne police went to Brian Mattert's house on a domestic violence call. The Wyoming Tribune Eagle reports that when police arrived, Mattert thought they'd use a Taser on him, so he hastily covered himself in paint and told officers that if they shot him with the stun gun, he'd die. Officers told him the paint wouldn't affect the Taser's capability. According to police, Mattert scuffled with officers and was hit with a Taser twice before officers handcuffed him. He faces several criminal charges. Police say the officers' uniforms had to be cleaned.
 
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