For The Week Of 09/25/2006
Happy with all the porn you are taking off sublime.. time to give something back...
This week's sublime times features more jokes, cool sites, cheat tips, and of course
Sex questions... all of them for you by you... Of course we will sweeten the pot and throw
world famous sublime T-shirts and hats if we use your submission on ANY of the sections below...
Email entrees to webmaster@sublimedirectory.com. Please give us feedback too!

JOKE OF THE WEEK


An armless man in a long jacket walks into a bathroom and stands by a urinal...

Soon seeing he needs help to use the toilet he asks a close by man, " Can you help me point my penis" ?

The man reluctantly accepted but, decided not to look at the mans penis. After a few seconds of holding it he thinks, " Hey! I'm grabbing it right"? " So I should look, I have a right"!

He looks down at the mans member and sees that is beyond hideous. Startled he jumps back and lets go, asking. " What the hell is wrong with it ?"

The "armless" man pulls his arms out of his jacket and says "I dunno, but, I ain't touchin' it." and walks away.

SITES OF THE WEEK
Weird Al -White And Nerdy!
Dreams Of Flying -Eye Candy
The Guitarist W/ No Arms -Amazing
Bill Clinton -Great Interview
Ass In The Box-For Someone You Love
Deal Or No Deal -Game Of The Week!
Tip and Trick of the Week
Cheat..Ebay!
When you have a 10-page paper due at school or a report for work, write the first five pages by deadline. Photocopy pages one-through-five and staple them behind the original pages one-through-five. Go home, and, at your leisure, write pages six-through-10. Once you''ve completed the remaining work, approach your professor or boss with pages six-through-10, and hand them in citing a photocopying and collating error. contributions or suggestions to webmaster@sublimedirectory.com
ASK TINA

Q: submited by G
What’s the deal with “titty fucking”? What should I do and how do I do it?
A:
It’s pretty simple, actually. It’s a sexual act in which a man places his rod between a woman’s breasts and then moves it back and forth in a manner that simulates intercourse. You provide said mammaries, then let him lay his manhood between them and go to town. Easy, right? Sure, but here’s how to make it better for him: It helps if you know what really turns him on and where he’s most sensitive. Does he go mad for that wet, slippery feeling? Slap some lube between those boobs and make a naughty slip-and-slide. Or, if he loves being completely enveloped, smash your twin peaks together and provide a warm, fleshy cave for his spelunking pleasure. Better yet, do it with lube. (If you’re fresh out of the love goo, opt of nature’s alternative, saliva. A few licks on and between your lovelies won’t be bad for either of you, I’m sure.) Also, if, like most men, he’s extra sensitive in that area right below the head of his willie, where it attaches to the shaft—known as the frenulum—take his head in your mouth as he goes along. Finally, if you’ve got a particularly randy fella on your hands (and if you’re on your back and he’s sitting on top of you, which makes it easier), you can stick a finger up his bum and give his prostate some loving. Just make sure he’s careful with his aim: A shot of his spew in your eyes will have you seeing red, I guarantee.

-Tina

 
CLIP OF THE WEEK
This is our special section that will bring you a new sublime clip every week. It will either be filmed by us or sent in by you guys.


Dane Cook Presents, Car Crash!
 
 

to view clip: right click video and choose "save target as" option. save the file "movie.wmv" to your desktop. once downloaded simply double click the new "movie.wmv" icon on your desktop to watch the movie.




Video contributions or suggestions to webmaster@sublimedirectory.com.
 
 


STRANGE NEWS HEADLINES
OMAHA — In the past 12 months, 20-year-old Brontea Evans has been hit by gunfire four times in north Omaha, mostly recently Friday morning outside a convenience store. Also struck Friday was 19-year-old Quantal Blake, who was taken to Nebraska Medical Center in “very critical condition,” while Evans’ wound was not believed to be life-threatening. Police reports say Evans was shot in a leg on Sept. 16, on Aug. 27 and on a hand in Sept. 29, 2005. The location of his wounds Friday and in August were not available. Evans has had brushes with the law, including several stints in jail for crimes including providing false information to police, trespassing, and for obstructing law enforcement officers. On Saturday, a police spokesman could not say what led to the men’s shootings Friday morning. The incident was only the latest near the Pleasantview public housing complex in north Omaha. Community residents have been calling for more police presence in the troubled area, which Chief Thomas Warren has promised. More officers won’t come too soon for Ketw Verade, the owner of the K-N-J Express store where Evans and Blake were hit. Verade, an Ethiopian immigrant, has owned the store for 1½ years. In his former country, thousands have died from war, political violence and disease born of poverty. In his north Omaha neighborhood, there is poverty, and the young people are shooting and killing each other as well. Two men have been shot to death outside his store — one on Sept. 3, the other in January last year. The possible danger hasn’t kept customer Joey Clemments away from the store because, he said, “I don’t think (the violence) has anything to do with the store.” “It’s more, who is after you or who is looking for you.”
 
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"I tawt I taw a wittle sack, I did I did!"-Ray Jay
Runners-up
"Paparazzi exposes Big Bird's lover!" -Scott
"Paully want a whacker?"-Jason
"Deleted scene from " THE BIRD CAGE" -Don



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