For The Week Of 10/03/2005
Happy with all the porn you are taking off sublime.. time to give something back...
This week's sublime times features more jokes, cool sites, cheat tips, and of course
Sex questions... all of them for you by you... Of course we will sweeten the pot and throw
world famous sublime T-shirts and hats if we use your submission on ANY of the sections below...
Email entrees to webmaster@sublimedirectory.com. Please give us feedback too!

JOKE OF THE WEEK


A lawyer runs a stop sign and gets pulled over by a Cop. Being a typical lawyer, he thinks he is smarter than the Cop so he decides to have some fun at the Copís expense.

Cop says, "License and registration, please."

Lawyer says, "What for?"

Cop says, "You didn't come to a complete stop at the stop sign."

Lawyer says, "I slowed down, and no one was coming."

Cop says, "Exactly! License and registration, please."

Lawyer says, "What's the difference?"

Cop says, "The difference is the law says you have to come to a full and complete stop. License and registration, please!"

Lawyer says, "Iíll make you a deal. If you can show me the legal difference between slowdown and stop, I'll give you my license and registration and you can give me the ticket. If not you let me go and no ticket."

Cop says, "Certainly. Exit your vehicle, sir."

At this point, the Cop takes out his nightstick and starts beating the ever-loving crap out of the Lawyer. All the while, the Cop kept saying...

"DO YOU WANT ME TO STOP OR JUST SLOW DOWN?"

SITES OF THE WEEK
Giant Squic -First Pics Ever
Mad Magazine -Every Single Cover Ever!
Hooter's Girls -From Around The Country
World's Tallest Buildings-Top Ten!
Keg -How Many Cups In One.
Gotti -Game Of The Week!
Tip and Trick of the Week
Cheat...Postal Service
Why pay exorbitant postage fees when you can save money by reusing stamps? If you ever use self-addressed, stamped envelopes for anything (like sending yourself birthday cards), simply apply a layer of Elmerís glue to the stamp (making sure to leave a dollop for glue boogers!) and let it dry, leaving a clear coating that is undetectable. When the postmark is printed on the stamp, itís really only applied to the glue. After getting the self-addressed envelope back, stick the now-cancelled stamp in some hot water for a minute or so and presto, off comes the glue and the cancellation mark. Reuse to your heartís content. Or until you discover e-mail.

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ASK TINA

Q: submited by Tiny
My boyfriend and I have been dating for three months. About two weeks ago, we decided to have sex. Everything was perfect, until I took off his pants! His penis is huge! I am a small woman, and sex has always been a little painful, but it hurt so much this time. What should I do? I definitely don't want to lose him because I can't handle him.
A:
Since you say that sex always hurts at least a little, it's likely that you're not producing enough below-the-belt lubrication. To play it safe, you might want to visit your gyno to rule out any medical problems, such as cysts or infections. But, there's a good chance that you just don't engage in foreplay long enough to become adequately aroused. Next time you and your guy are getting busy, take it slow. Have him lavish attention on all your hot spots, with plenty of genital touching and tongue teasing. And, make sure you apply some water-based lube to your vagina or his shaft right before he enters you. That said, the reason you experienced such severe pain with your new man was probably plain old fear. It sounds like the eye-opening encounter of seeing his "huge" member for the first time freaked you out a bit. Anticipating discomfort causes your muscles -- even your vaginal ones -- to tense up, making penetration more difficult. So, in addition to extended foreplay and extra lube, it might also help if he gives you a long, sensual all-over massage before intercourse, which will turn you on and mellow you out. When it comes to doing the deed, you'll have an easier time accommodating your man's large penis if you stick with positions that keep his thrusts shallow while sending you both into maximum overdrive. The woman-on-top pose is a good one to try because it lets you control the depth of penetration. Have him lie flat on his back and hover over him on your hands and knees while sliding him inside you. Move your hips in circular motions as you glide up and down, only going as deep as you can handle. Or, have him sit on a chair with no arms. Then simply straddle his lap, either facing toward him or away from him, and use your feet and thigh muscles to pump away. You can also try the missionary, but remember that the more your pelvis is tilted, the deeper the penetration, so none of that feet-over-his-shoulders, pillows under your butt stuff. Also, the further apart your legs are, the further he can thrust, so keep your thighs together. Not only will it prevent him from plunging in too far, it can also make for some out-of-this-world clitoral/penile friction. And don't forget, lubrication can come and go. So, be sure to keep adding the slick stuff as needed.

-Tina

 
CLIP OF THE WEEK
This is our special section that will bring you a new sublime clip every week. It will either be filmed by us or sent in by you guys.


Drifting Gone Wrong!
 
 

to view clip: right click video and choose "save target as" option. save the file "baddrift.wmv" to your desktop. once downloaded simply double click the new "baddrift.wmv" icon on your desktop to watch the movie.




Video contributions or suggestions to webmaster@sublimedirectory.com.
 
 


STRANGE NEWS HEADLINES
A fugitive who escaped from prison in Hungary was caught when he unwittingly went out on a date with a policeman, the national police said in a statement. The unidentified man, sentenced for robbery and fraud, had posted an ad with his own photo in an online dating website. He set up a date for Thursday at a pastry shop with someone who he thought was a woman. "At the place of the rendez-vous the surprised man was caught and that is when he realized that the woman with whom he had exchanged emails and for whom he brought a ring was actually a man and on top of it a detective," the police said.
 
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This Weeks



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Winner
"Well Money-Penny, I do believe I have found Octopussy!!"-Steve
Runners-up
"I used to use Head and Shoulders... .Now it's Ass and Shoulders for me"-Steve
"Talk about being stuck up your girlfriend's ass"-BJ



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