A little old lady, well into her eighties, slowly enters the front door of a sex shop. Obviously very unstable on her feet, she shakily wobbles the few feet across the store to the counter. Finally arriving at the counter and grabbing it for support, she asks the sales clerk: “Dddooo youuuu hhhave dddddiilllldosss?” The clerk, politely trying not to burst out laughing, replies: “Yes we do have dildos. Actually we carry many different models.” The old woman then asks: “Dddddoooo yyyouuuu ccaarrryy aaa pppinkk onnee, tttenn inchessss lllong aaandd aabboutt tttwoo inchesss ththiickk?” The clerk responds, “Yes we do.” “Ddddooo yyoooouuuu kknnnoooww hhhowww tttooo ttturrrnnn ttthe ddddaaammmmnnn ttthingggg offffff?”

Q: submitted by Rick

I need your help JD. I'm a sophmore in college and have no idea what to pick for a major. My dad is an accountant and wants me to major in finance. What do you think?

A:
no matter what you do make sure you pick something that you enjoy. remember that you are most likely going to end up doing something related to your major for the REST OF YOUR LIFE! i saw this all the time in ChemE. of all the different types of engineering Chemical Engineering usually has the highest starting base salary (Computer Science probably has inched ahead these days). consequently, a lot of people in my class were doing it just for the money. let me tell you something....majors like ChemE are not something you want to do if you are doing it just for the money! you better have a genuine interest in math and science. the same holds true with all the majors. don't pick something just b/c of the money or its what you dad took. coming to the realization that life is about doing the things you enjoy (i.e. i like doing your mom), not just having as much money as possible, is extremely important. something you want to realize before you are half way through med school and ready to slit your throat. if you don't like hard work forget about med school; if you don't like reading forget about law school; if you don't like math forget abou engineering...etc, etc. another thing that is important to realize is the more specialized your talent/major the better chance you have at sticking out and getting a good job. get a generic degree like a BA and be ready to hit the job force with about 10,000,000 of your piers. ;-) the main thing to remember is to do what you like doing and it will naturally lead you in the right direction. i liked computers/science/math so i took ChemE...and it naturally led me to a career in internet porn. now i get to play with computers, write a little code here and there and look at vagina. see..it always pays off to trust your instincts...

-JD