For The Week Of 10/07/02
Happy with all the porn you are taking off sublime.. time to give something back...
This week's sublime times features more jokes, cool sites, cheat tips, and of course
Sex questions... all of them for you by you... Of course we will sweeten the pot and throw
world famous sublime T-shirts and hats if we use your submission on ANY of the sections below...
Email entrees to mailto:webmaster@sublimedirectory.com?subject=stimes. Please give us feedback too!

JOKE OF THE WEEK

A little old lady, well into her eighties, slowly enters the front door of a sex shop. Obviously very unstable on her feet, she shakily wobbles the few feet across the store to the counter. Finally arriving at the counter and grabbing it for support, she asks the sales clerk: “Dddooo youuuu hhhave dddddiilllldosss?” The clerk, politely trying not to burst out laughing, replies: “Yes we do have dildos. Actually we carry many different models.” The old woman then asks: “Dddddoooo yyyouuuu ccaarrryy aaa pppinkk onnee, tttenn inchessss lllong aaandd aabboutt tttwoo inchesss ththiickk?” The clerk responds, “Yes we do.” “Ddddooo yyoooouuuu kknnnoooww hhhowww tttooo ttturrrnnn ttthe ddddaaammmmnnn ttthingggg offffff?”

SITES OF THE WEEK
Britney -Super Hot In Versace Dress.
Personal Ad Reponses -Hilarious.
Molested Cars -Hooked Up Autos!
Drew Carey -Aptitute Quiz!
Epostcards -Send One To JD!
Condom -Game Of The Week!
Tip and Trick of the Week
Cheat....Drug Tests!
For passing a drug test when you’ve only got $5 in the pocket of your worn-out jeans, drink two liters of water mixed with one packet of Certo liquid fruit pectin (found at any grocery store) a couple of hours beforehand. Certo is the junk grandma used to make homemade preserves, and will taste like weak, sugarless lemonade when mixed with the water. Then, when you have to go, go. When your “product” resembles the Certo mixture, it’s time to take your drug test. I’ve been using this method for the last five years of my ten-year probation. I even smoke weed the night before and it works! Cheat… A drug test, cheaply and quickly


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ASK DOCTOR JD

Q: submitted by Rick

I need your help JD. I'm a sophmore in college and have no idea what to pick for a major. My dad is an accountant and wants me to major in finance. What do you think?

A:
no matter what you do make sure you pick something that you enjoy. remember that you are most likely going to end up doing something related to your major for the REST OF YOUR LIFE! i saw this all the time in ChemE. of all the different types of engineering Chemical Engineering usually has the highest starting base salary (Computer Science probably has inched ahead these days). consequently, a lot of people in my class were doing it just for the money. let me tell you something....majors like ChemE are not something you want to do if you are doing it just for the money! you better have a genuine interest in math and science. the same holds true with all the majors. don't pick something just b/c of the money or its what you dad took. coming to the realization that life is about doing the things you enjoy (i.e. i like doing your mom), not just having as much money as possible, is extremely important. something you want to realize before you are half way through med school and ready to slit your throat. if you don't like hard work forget about med school; if you don't like reading forget about law school; if you don't like math forget abou engineering...etc, etc. another thing that is important to realize is the more specialized your talent/major the better chance you have at sticking out and getting a good job. get a generic degree like a BA and be ready to hit the job force with about 10,000,000 of your piers. ;-) the main thing to remember is to do what you like doing and it will naturally lead you in the right direction. i liked computers/science/math so i took ChemE...and it naturally led me to a career in internet porn. now i get to play with computers, write a little code here and there and look at vagina. see..it always pays off to trust your instincts...

-JD

 
CLIP OF THE WEEK
This is our special section that will bring you a new sublime clip every week. It will either be filmed by us or sent in by you guys.


Ogre battle
 
 

to view clip: right click mouse and choose "save target as" option. save the file "ogre.mpg" to your desktop. once downloaded simply double click the new "ogre.mpg" icon on your desktop to watch the movie.




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STRANGE NEWS HEADLINES
Among the personal items that former Tyco International chief executive L. Dennis Kozlowski bought and charged to the company (without authorization, said the company in September) were two New York City apartments ($24 million), a Boca Raton, Fla., house ($29 million), furnishings and renovations ($14 million), a travel toiletries box ($17,000), an umbrella stand ($15,000), a shower curtain ($6,000) and a pincushion ($445), along with half the $2.1 million tab for a 40th birthday party for his wife (a former waitress at a restaurant near Tyco headquarters in Exeter, N.H.). (The party, at a Sardinian resort, featured Stoli vodka loaded into a statue of a man so that it could be poured out to guests through his penis.) [New York Times, 9-18-02, 9-13-02]
 
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"So you want a hunk-a-hunk of burning love, huh?" -K
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