For The Week Of 10/13/2003
Happy with all the porn you are taking off sublime.. time to give something back...
This week's sublime times features more jokes, cool sites, cheat tips, and of course
Sex questions... all of them for you by you... Of course we will sweeten the pot and throw
world famous sublime T-shirts and hats if we use your submission on ANY of the sections below...
Email entrees to Please give us feedback too!


Bill Gates dies in a car accident. He finds himself in purgatory, being sized up by St. Peter. “Well, Bill, I’m really confused on this call; I’m not sure whether to send you to Heaven or Hell. After all, you enormously helped society by putting a computer in almost every home in America, yet you also created that ghastly Windows ’95. I’m going to do something I’ve never done before in your case; I’m going to let you decide where you want to go.” Bill replied, “well, what’s the difference between the two?” St. Peter said, “I’m willing to let you visit both places briefly, if it will help your decision.” “Fine, but where should I go first?” “I’ll leave that up to you.” “Okay then,” said Bill, “Let’s try Hell first.” So Bill went to Hell. It was a beautiful, clean, sandy beach with clear waters and lots of bikini-clad women running around, playing in the water, laughing and frolicking about. The sun was shining; the temperature perfect. He was very pleased. “This is great!” he told St. Peter. “If this is hell, I really want to see Heaven!” “Fine,” said St. Peter, and off they went. Heaven was a place high in the clouds, with angels drifting about, playing harps and singing. It was nice, but not as enticing as Hell. Bill thought for a quick minute, and rendered his decision. “Hmmm. I think I’d prefer Hell,” he told St. Peter. “Fine,” retorted St. Peter, “as you desire.” So Bill Gates went to Hell. Two weeks later, St. Peter decided to check on the late billionaire to see how he was doing in Hell. When he got there, he found Bill, shackled to a wall, screaming amongst hot flames in dark caves, being burned and tortured by demons. “How’s everything going?” he asked Bill. Bill responded, with his voice filled with anguish and disappointment, “this is awful! This is nothing like the Hell I visited two weeks ago! I can’t believe this is happening! What happened to that other place, with the beautiful beaches, the scantily-clad women playing in the water?” “That was a screen saver,” replied St. Peter.

Christian Pick Up lines -Altar Boys Rejoice
Hurricane Names -For the Next 5 years!
Britney Big Nips! -Great Pic!
Great Rant -Flash!
Dont Touch My Computer -Should Have Listened!
Hangaroo -Game Of The Week!
Tip and Trick of the Week
Cheat...Parking Lots!
Want to get into an upper-level class, but lack the prereq necessary to make it past the academic bouncers? Simply go to department head with an “Add Class” slip. You’ll be asked what your major is, at which time you’ll tell him or her that your major is completely the opposite of the class in question. For example, if you’re a biology major and need a certain bio class and said class is required for your major, then tell the department head you’re an art major and the class is an elective. Confusing? Welcome to college. The department head will most likely sign off, with little reason to confirm your records. I saved myself about three semesters’ worth of time doing this. Yet, somehow, I’m still unemployed.
contributions or suggestions to

Q: submited by Rich
My girlfriend is PSYCHO!!!!!! What should I do when she gets in one of her evil moods? Can I just leave her alone? What can I say? She acts like such an evil bitch sometimes.

I get really scared off by women like this. I feel I can't trust them. But if you really love her, try this out: Diffuse the situation by telling her that, although you love her, you're really confused by how she's acting right now. Then ask her what she needs from you. The trick is to not abondon her when she might just be looking for attention from you. Maybe she just needs you to prove how much you love her. Sounds crazy, but maybe if she felt loved, she wouldn't act psycho anymore. This has happened to me before, so I feel your pain... but if you can keep your cool and just let her know you care, she might get better about this stuff. If she doesn't improve... look out, man, because you're not going to want marry a woman you think is an "evil bitch." Good luck, dude. I'll leave you with this one piece of advice that has always served me well: always make sure to tell your woman how much you love her... then put down the hammer. Tell her she can't act this way if she wants to stay with you.


This is our special section that will bring you a new sublime clip every week. It will either be filmed by us or sent in by you guys.

Shocking News Day!

to view clip: right click flash and choose "save target as" option. save the file "calm.wmv" to your desktop. once downloaded simply double click the new "calm.wmv" icon on your desktop to watch the movie.

Video contributions or suggestions to

In August, around the time that the Ten Commandments monument was moved out of the Alabama Judicial Building in Montgomery because of a federal judge's ruling that it was too much of a religious statement for government property, Ms. Blanca Castillo petitioned county commissioners in Fort Worth, Texas, to remove a statue in front of the county's administrative building because it was insulting of religion. The offending statue, of a sleeping panther, struck Ms. Castillo as too paganistically feline, and therefore "sinister," and she recommended a statue of something else, such as a steer. [Fort Worth Star-Telegram, 8-27-03]

This is your chance to make a difference! Send in the captions that you think best suits "this weeks" picture below. If you win you get a free sublime T!

This Weeks

Last Weeks

"Check out Pono Films Latest Release.'Crouching Tiger, Hide de Salami"-Mike52
"Asian weapon of mass destruction!"-Tool
"Zena the Dildo Warrior!"-Just

contributions or suggestions to

kid your support..Suggest SublimeTimes to a friend!
Friend's Email:
Your name: NOTE: Please put a name your friend will recognize

Archived Issues:
|06-18-2001 |06-25-2001 |07-02-2001 |07-09-2001 |07-16-2001 |
|07-23-2001 |07-30-2001 |08-06-2001 |08-13-2001 |08-20-2001 |
|08-27-2001 |09-03-2001 |09-10-2001 |09-17-2001 |09-23-2001 |
|10-01-2001 |10-08-2001 |10-15-2001 |10-22-2001 |10-30-2001 |
|11-05-2001 |11-12-2001 |11-17-2001 |11-24-2001 |12-03-2001 |
|12-10-2001 |12-17-2001 |12-24-2001 |12-31-2001 |01-07-2002 |
|01-14-2002 |01-21-2002 |02-04-2002 |02-11-2002 |02-18-2002 |
|02-25-2002 |03-03-2002 |03-10-2002 |03-18-2002 |03-25-2002 |
|04-01-2002 |04-08-2002 |04-15-2002 |04-22-2002 |04-29-2002 |
|05-06-2002 |05-13-2002 |05-20-2002 |05-27-2002 |06-03-2002 |
|06-10-2002 |06-17-2002 |06-24-2002 |07-01-2002 |07-07-2002 |
|07-15-2002 |07-22-2002 |07-29-2002 |08-05-2002 |08-12-2002 |
|08-19-2002 |08-26-2002 |09-02-2002 |09-09-2002 |09-16-2002 |
|09-23-2002 |09-30-2002 |10-07-2002 |10-14-2002 |10-21-2002 |
|10-28-2002 |11-04-2002 |11-11-2002 |11-18-2002 |11-25-2002 |
|12-02-2002 |12-09-2002 |12-16-2002 |12-23-2002 |12-30-2002 |
|01-06-2003 |01-13-2003 |01-20-2003 |01-27-2003 |02-03-2003 |
|02-10-2003 |02-17-2003 |02-24-2003 |03-03-2003 |03-10-2003 |
|03-17-2003 |03-24-2003 |03-31-2003 |04-07-2003 |04-14-2003 |
|04-21-2003 |04-28-2003 |05-05-2003 |05-12-2003 |05-19-2003 |
|05-27-2003 |06-02-2003 |06-09-2003 |06-16-2003 |06-24-2003 |
|06-30-2003 |07-07-2003 |07-14-2003 |07-21-2003 |07-28-2003 |
|08-04-2003 |08-11-2003 |08-18-2003 |08-25-2003 |09-01-2003 |
|09-08-2003 |09-15-2003 |09-22-2003 |09-29-2003 |10-06-2003 |

[ back to sublime main ]