For The Week Of 10/15/2007
Happy with all the porn you are taking off sublime.. time to give something back...
This week's sublime times features more jokes, cool sites, cheat tips, and of course
Sex questions... all of them for you by you... Of course we will sweeten the pot and throw
world famous sublime T-shirts and hats if we use your submission on ANY of the sections below...
Email entrees to webmaster@sublimedirectory.com. Please give us feedback too!

JOKE OF THE WEEK

A father walks into a bookstore with his young son.The boy is holding a quarter. Suddenly, the boy starts choking, and goes blue in the face.The father realizes the boy has swallowed the quarter and starts to panic, shouting for help. A well dressed, attractive and serious looking woman,in a blue business suit is sitting at a coffee bar reading a newspaper and sipping a cup of coffee. At the sound of the commotion, she looks up, carefully puts her coffee cup down, neatly folds the newspapera nd places it on the counter, arises from her seat, and makes her way, unhurried, across the book store. Reaching the boy, the woman carefully drops his pants. She takes hold of the boy's testicles and starts to squeeze and twist, gently at first and then ever more firmly. After a few seconds the boy convulses violently and coughs up the quarter, which the woman deftly catches in her free hand. Releasing the boy's testicles, the woman hands the coin to the father and walks back to her seat in the coffee bar without saying a word. As soon as he is sure that his son has suffered no ill effects, the father rushes over to the woman and starts thanking her saying, "I've never seen anybody do anything like that before, it was fantastic. Are you a doctor?" "No," the woman replied. "Divorce attorney".

SITES OF THE WEEK
Breathing Earth -Life and Death Chart!
Turn Flashlight -Into Laser!
Hack your -iPhones!
No time? -Movie in a Minute!
If People Bought -Cars Like PC's!
Upgrounded!-Game Of The Week!
TIPS AND TRICKS
Great Dating Tips!
Just to be sure it's memorable - 1:Record your date! Especially if it's a walk in the park or your date's first time bowling. For example: take a one-time use camera and use it up - then plan to get together next week to look at the photos. Leave the person you're dating with a memento or special reminder of your unique date (they'll think of you every time they see it). 2:Art-fest Get together huge sheets of paper and pens, or charcoal, or crayons or watercolors. Take your date to an art museum or art gallery or art festival. After, return home (or go to a park with a picnic table or other location) and create your own artwork. 3:Lickey Sticky Date Go for a simple walk in the outdoors or along the beach. Build a fire and roast and share sticky, gooey, messy, s'mores. Lick your fingers or whatever else it takes to get cleaned up... 4:Floras Notta Bora A botanical garden, arboretum or a community garden can be a great place to visit, especially in the spring. Take a camera, snap pictures of each other frolicking through the foliage. The next day - a beautiful bouquet 5:Drama Whamma Try out local, small theaters, not just movies every time. Sometimes the plays are excellent and some are just plain entertaining. 6:Whip Up a Banana Split Chocolate syrup, bananas, strawberry syrup, ice cream - build a banana split and apply whipping cream as appropriate? 7:The Big Laugh Find your local comedy club and laugh yourselves silly. 8:Factory Functions Factories and manufacturers offer interesting factory tours. Type into your search engine: "Factory tour" "Your town name" and find your local tours. 9:Back to Nature Drive to the country, or a park and hunt for 4-leaf clover? The next day send a field of daisies 10:Historical Histrionics Check out your local museums - there are history museums or nature museums or aeronautical or sports museums tucked away in an area near you. For a History museum date You can pick one era upon which to concentrate while you're at the museum. Then find a video or movie set in the same time-frame to watch after your museum tour. Civil War - "Gone with the Wind" First World War - "For Whom the Bell Tolls" 11:Sail Away Take sailing lessons together. 12:Groovie Movie Can't decide - tape a newspaper on a wall (or somewhere that you don't mind holes in the wall - like the inside of a garage door). Open the newspaper to the movie/entertainment page and ask your date to throw one or more darts to select the movie? Bingo. Or limit the number of choices by taping up a limited number of movies and toss away.
Feel free to send contributions or suggestions to webmaster@sublimedirectory.com
ASK TINA

Q: submited by Steve
My wife and I are in a long-distance relationship, and when we see each other two to three times a year, we are both crazy about having sex with each other. She always enjoys oral sex and tends to orgasm, but she enjoys intercourse even more. My problem is that she always likes to get her pleasure and she doesn’t even let me kiss her lips or she won't touch my penis, let alone give a bl*w job or do something more intimate. Due to this, I almost never get any strong erections when I have sex with her and she always complains to me that I can’t make her happy in coitus and need to learn to get a proper erection without her help. I have spoken to her regarding this issue, but she still suggests that I need to do things without her help and maybe try taking some pills or other stuff.

A:
What you’ve got yourself here is a serious case of “stingy woman.” Let me get the facts straight: If I understand correctly, she won’t touch you or let you kiss her during foreplay, and then complains that your erection isn’t hard enough to make her happy during intercourse. THEN she tells you to take a pill to cure your problems? Oh, Steven, it seems as though your wife has a very delusional “princess ideal” of what sex should be like. She might be maintaining the commonly held belief that men don’t need “help” during sex because, why, they’re men! They can be ready for sex at the drop of a hat, while women need a little more coaxing, touching and cuddling. You, I and billion other men all know that this certainly isn’t the case (well, maybe it was when we were in our adolescence). Many men need just as much -- ahem -- “inspiration” for having intercourse as women, and this includes needing to be touched, rubbed and kissed. Step one is explaining this to your wife. If she still won’t let you touch her and then belittles you for not pleasuring her properly, step two is kindly sending her the divorce papers during your months apart.

-Tina

 
CLIP OF THE WEEK
This is our special section that will bring you a new sublime clip every week. It will either be filmed by us or sent in by you guys.


Homemade Sex Toy!

 
 


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STRANGE NEWS HEADLINES
Scout not seriously hurt in bear attack
Thu Oct 4, 8:29 PM ET
By Jon Hurdle
WHITE HAVEN, Pa. - A Boy Scout played dead when attacked by a bear during a camping trip, avoiding serious injury. Chris Malasics, 14, curled up in the fetal position in his sleeping bag after the bear ripped down his tent at Hickory Run State Park around 11:30 p.m. Friday. "I was just trying to figure out what to do to not get hurt," he told the Daily Local News of West Chester. As the bear started tossing Malasics around, a Scout leader tried to create a disturbance by banging pots and pans and flashing car headlights. The bear eventually wandered off. Malasics, of Chester Springs, was taken to a hospital for treatment for his cuts and bruises. He was also given a precautionary rabies shot. Malasics said the experience will not deter him from going camping. In the future, though, he intends to make sure he has a pepper spray for bears, and perhaps a gun. "I know how to shoot," he said.
 
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