For The Week Of 10/16/2006
Happy with all the porn you are taking off sublime.. time to give something back...
This week's sublime times features more jokes, cool sites, cheat tips, and of course
Sex questions... all of them for you by you... Of course we will sweeten the pot and throw
world famous sublime T-shirts and hats if we use your submission on ANY of the sections below...
Email entrees to webmaster@sublimedirectory.com. Please give us feedback too!

JOKE OF THE WEEK


Two black guys die.

They had been good men throughout their lives; worked hard, donated to the community, etc. When they arrive at the pearly gates they ask St. Peter to let them in.

St. Peter says, "Sorry guys, I can't do that." The two black guys say, "This is bullshit. We want to talk to Jesus on this. Go in there and get Jesus."

St. Peter goes to see Jesus and says, "Jesus, there are two black guys at the gate. What do I do?" Jesus asks if the men had been good and St. Peter says yes.

So Jesus instructs him to let the two men in because there is no prejudice or racism in heaven.

St. Peter returns to the gates and they are gone. Unsure of what to do he goes to see Jesus again and tells him, "Jesus, they're gone."

Jesus asks where the men went. St. Peter says, "No, it's not just the men. The gates are gone."

SITES OF THE WEEK
Flight Pattern -Eye Candy
Sky Car -Be The First Jetsons
Abe Lincoln -In Pennies
Criticker -Never Watch A Bad Movie Again
Amazing Hotel Rooms-Cool
Nes Quiz -Game Of The Week!
Tip and Trick of the Week
Cheat....First Class!
Tired of being a sardine in a flying can? How about a free upgrade to first class? If you know that your flight is not sold out, hang around near the gate until the final call for boarding is issued, and make sure you are the last person to board. Then, simply board the plane and take one of those big comfy seats up front that no poor schmuck in coach can afford. The only lip you’ll get from the flight attendant will be, “Would you like a beverage, sir?” contributions or suggestions to webmaster@sublimedirectory.com
ASK TINA

Q: submited by Jock
I’ve heard that in order to make sex last longer, the guy must pull out before he comes, wait for a minute or so, and then start again. That’s all fine and good, but how I can do this without the girl knowing that’s what I’m trying to do?
A:
Distract her with subterfuge, dude. The next time you pull out to avoid blowing off, don’t just lie there counting, “one, big elephant; two, big elephant…” Dive down and make yourself useful. Once you place your kisser on her, your gal will likely be too preoccupied to ponder your motivation. If she does ask, a simple, “I couldn’t stop thinking about it, baby,” ought to suffice. And, you know, you don’t have to de-sheath your sword entirely in order to stave off the big O. Just stop moving for a minute. Again, act as though you were too distracted by her luscious lips (the ones on her face) and lay a big kiss on her. In fact, there’s no need to pretend; you should really mean it. You can also last a little longer if you relax and minimize tension in your butt and pelvic muscles. Yes, I know, those puppies are your thrusters; so go for the non-thrusting positions. Roll onto your back and do your own remake of Woman on Top. You may also want to investigate some over-the-counter sprays that can help desensitize your buddy. Finally, I’ll leave you with some food for thought: Why not just be honest? Despite what you may have been told, trickery isn’t the best way to run a relationship. Besides, an admission along the lines of, “Baby, you’re so beautiful, I just want to do it with you as long as possible,” is bound to fall sweetly on her ears.

-Tina

 
CLIP OF THE WEEK
This is our special section that will bring you a new sublime clip every week. It will either be filmed by us or sent in by you guys.


B U S T E D !
 
 

to view clip: right click video and choose "save target as" option. save the file "movie.wmv" to your desktop. once downloaded simply double click the new "movie.wmv" icon on your desktop to watch the movie.




Video contributions or suggestions to webmaster@sublimedirectory.com.
 
 


STRANGE NEWS HEADLINES
HOLLYWOOD - Tom Cruise has filed a $50-million lawsuit against Holesome Fun Incorporated, the world's largest manufacturer of sex toys, over the company's alleged unauthorized use of his image on its new Mission Insertable butt plug. Mr. Cruise is also demanding "the immediate and complete withdrawal" of the Mission Insertable butt plug from Holesome Fun's Dark Side of the Moon catalog and from any and all persons "currently harboring" this device. "My client is tired of being the butt of jokes about his sexuality," said Mr. Cruise' attorney Marvin Keister. "The Mission Insertable butt plug is offensive not only on its face but also in its subversion of an orifice that Scientologists believe is next to godliness. "L. Ron Hubbard taught Scientologists to respect their large—and their small—colons as the pathway to better physical and mental health; and although Mr. Cruise endorses regular high colonic cleansing and Vitamin K enemas, he is offended by the notion of butt plugs in general and of those with his face on them in particular." Trey Guccione, CEO of Holesome Fun, responded angrily to Mr. Cruise' lawsuit. "Like I'm sure Tom's never been shitfaced before," said Mr. Guccione. "He can take his lawsuit, hold it sideways, and stick it where the sun don't shine." The device at the bottom of this controversy is a 3-inch silicone statuette designed to be inserted into the anus and rectum for sexual pleasure. A butt plug can be inserted during sex or it can be worn while its user is gardening, shopping, or attending the theater. Butt plugs, which can be worn by men or women, gay or straight, were invented in Greece about 350 BCE. Since then butt plugs have been worn by historical figures (Alexander the Great, Hannibal, and Julius Caesar), musicians (Tchaikovsky, Boy George, and Mick Jagger), and opinion shapers (Gertrude Stein, Barney Frank, and Matt Drudge). George Washington is rumored to have been wearing a wooden butt plug when he crossed the Delaware to attack the Hessians at Trenton. That, according to some Washington scholars, explains why he was standing up in the boat during the crossing. In related news, 17 percent of the respondents to a recent Postcards from the Pug Bus poll believe Tom Cruise was fired by Paramount because of his penchant for wearing butt plugs.
 
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This Weeks



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"Who says College Kids can't Breast feed"-Marc
Runners-up
"Although devastated about the loss of both her arms, Nancy refused to abandon her love and devotion to the service industry." -Stephen
"Fresh. Smooth. Real. It's all here. And I'm not talking about the Bud Light!"-Glenio
"This is the way I should have been Breast fed!" -John



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