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OF THE WEEK
A couple was getting ready to go to a Halloween party but the wife had a terrible headache. She told her husband to go anyway. After a short argument he agreed, and she took some aspirin and went to bed.
Later she awoke and felt great, so she decided to go to the party and see what her hubby did when she wasn't around. As soon as she arrived, she noticed him on the dance floor getting very friendly with every hottie in the place, and groping them when he could.
She then cut in and rubbed close to him. When the song ended, he leaned over and whispered in her ear, "Let's go outside." So the two costumed characters snuck off and occupied themselves in one of the parked cars.
Midnight was to be the unveiling of the party-goers, so she slipped out and went home before the clock struck twelve.
When he got home she asked, "How was the party? Did you meet any interesting people?"
He replied, ''You know me, dear. I don't have a good time when you're not with me. I ran into a few friends and we ended up in the basement playing poker. It wasn't very fun at all. But the guy I loaned my costume to had the time of his life!
Usually there is some whispering about layoffs. Bosses may hint or coworkers may talk. If you are concerned, you can approach your boss to find out if this may be true. This information may help you prepare for the upcoming layoff.
If you know there will be a layoff, you can begin your job search immediately. Start looking at openings and post your resume on major sites like careerbuilder.com or monster.com.
Some companies offer a severance package. Severance is a payment for lost wages. Many companies do not have this option, other companies vary on their policy. If you think you may qualify, ask your employer if they offer severance as part of the lay off or termination.
If you experience a layoff or job termination, you are usually eligible for unemployment. Apply immediately following the layoff. Your employer can not contest payment on a layoff or job termination as this is not a performance based loss. Also, you can have unemployment and severance at the same time. Do not forget to apply for unemployment immediately, even if you get severance.
Lastly, stay aggressive in your job search. The market is very competitive right now. Use resources like free seminars at the unemployment office, library, community to help create new skills or enhance skills. This is also a good way to network.Feel free to send contributions or suggestions to firstname.lastname@example.org
Today I was masturbating and I think I did it too hard. Thirty minutes later, I took a shower and noticed that, right before the foreskin, my penis had enlarged like a balloon. It's not humongous, but it's twice the normal size.I'm really worried about this. What should I do?
The clinical term for what you might be suffering from is paraphimosis. It is a condition unique to uncircumcised men, and the swelling is the product of the foreskin being trapped beneath the glans, or head, of the penis. This can occur during masturbation or sex, or even if you just leave your foreskin retracted when you fall asleep at night. How do you fix it? Get that foreskin back up over the head again.It sounds like a simple solution, and most of the time it is (albeit a momentarily painful one). Just apply gentle pressure to the head and roll it back over, as if you were taking a ring off a finger. If left retracted for too long, however, you might have to go under the knife. A common treatment for severe or prolonged paraphimosis is cutting a small slit in the foreskin or outright circumcision. Go see a doctor if it's still swollen leaving such a condition untreated can lead to permanent tissue damage.
CLIP OF THE WEEK
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JOHNSON CITY — Two Model City residents were arrested on various charges Friday after one was caught shoplifting steaks and bacon at a grocery store, according to a press release from the Johnson City Police Department.
Arrested were: James M. Johnson, 44, 3975 Memorial Blvd., Kingsport, and Robin H. Light, 40, 212 Lewis Lane, Kingsport, according to the press release.
Both were charged with theft under $500 and possession of stolen property over $1,000, and Light was also charged with simple possession of Schedule III and Schedule VI drugs.
The arrests occurred after Light was caught shoplifting steaks and bacon at White’s on South Roan Street, according to the release, and Johnson was found waiting in the parking lot.
After speaking to him about the incident police searched his vehicle and found over 200 stolen items inside the vehicle, including: 28 Tennessee Titans ball caps, several pairs of leather gloves, 39 packs of batteries and approximately 150 bottles of cosmetic/hygiene products.
Johnson and Light were being held in the Washington County Detention Center under $11,000 and $13,000 bonds, respectively.
Both are scheduled to appear in Washington County General Sessions Court on Monday.
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"Rambo #5 - Nursing Home Nightmare" -Chris
"Rambo...The Golden Years" -Hannahuffster