This guy is flying down the interstate, going way faster than he should be, and consequently he gets pulled over by the state police. When the officer comes up to the window, the man says, “Before you say anything, I should probably tell you that this car is stolen, I have an unregistered handgun in the glove compartment, and there is a dead body in the trunk.” The officer, in absolute shock, calls for backup and within minutes the road is blocked off and there are cops all around. They search the car and find none of the things he said to be true. After investigating, the sergeant approaches the driver and says, “I don’t understand. I spoke with the officer who pulled you over, and he said you told him there was a gun in the glovebox, a body in the trunk, and that the car was stolen. What’s the deal here?” The man stands there dumbfounded, then says, “I bet he told you I was speeding, too, huh?”

Q: submitted by Goth

The past few weeks I have been seeing a girl who seems to get me aroused every time I see her. We have played around in bed together and have rolled around the sheets together, me with a hard on and she extremely turned on. Because she is not quite ready to go all the way, I have been finding myself getting super hard erections then cooling off all night long. My testicles seem to be bearing the brunt of this erection then non-ejaculation, and I am in pain most of the next day. What is going on? I am 20 years old and very healthy. Should I be concerned? Is this what some people term "blue balls"?

A:
ohh man, thats the worst. it feels like your nuts are going to explode right? you are getting a classic case of good ole "blue balls." it is a part of growing up and luckily there is an easy fix! what happens is when you are getting aroused blood is rushing to your johnson and nuts at a mad pace. the more aroused you are the more they become packed with blood. now what is ideal is that the girl (hey i don't judge...or guy, transexual, animal, etc..) that caused this rush of blood releases it by causing you to orgasm somehow. this way the blood exits the area in a quick fasion and there is no pain. if there is no orgasm it starts to exit the area but at a much slower pace. this is what causes that throbbing pain. luckily it is very easy to get rid of this pain. SIMPLY RUB ONE OUT! ;-) if you have to excuse yourself to the bathroom and rub out a quick one sobeit. otherwise you are going to be stuck with some throbbing balls for a few hours!

-JD