For The Week Of 11/04/2013
Happy with all the porn you're taking off Sublime? Time to give something back...
This week's Sublime times features more jokes, cool sites, cheat tips, and of course
sex questions... all of them for you by you... Of course we will sweeten the pot and throw
world-famous Sublime T-shirts and hats if we use your submission on ANY of the sections below...
Email entries to webmaster@ sublimedirectory.com. Please give us feedback too!

JOKE OF THE WEEK

Harold is 95 and lives in a Senior Citizen Home. Every night after dinner, Harold goes to a secluded garden behind the Centre to sit and ponder his accomplishments and long life. One evening, Mildred, age 87, wanders into the garden. They begin to chat and before they know it, several hours have passed. After a short lull in their conversation, Harold turns to Mildred and asks, "Do you know what I miss most of all?" Sex!" Mildred exclaims, "Why you old fart! You couldn't get it up if I held a gun to your head!" "I know," Harold says, "but it would be nice if a woman could just hold it for a while." "Well, I can oblige," says Mildred, who unzips his trousers, removes his manhood and proceeds to hold it. Afterward, they agree to meet secretly each night in the garden where they would sit and talk and Mildred would hold Harold's manhood.

Then one night, Harold didn't show up at their usual meeting place. Alarmed, Mildred decided to find Harold to make sure that he was okay. She walked around the Senior Citizen Home. She found him sitting by the pool with Ethel, another female resident, who was holding Harold's manhood.

Furious, Mildred yelled, "You two-timing son of a bitch! What does Ethel have that I don't?" Old Harold smiled and replied, "Parkinson's."

SITES OF THE WEEK
Bizarre -SFW Fetishes
Total Shit -First Drafts
Bill Murray -Sports Moments
Thor Retold -8-Bit Cinema
20 Years Of -Conan O'Brien
Azylum -Flash Game!
TIPS AND TRICKS
CloudMagic Searches All Your Inboxes in Real Time

Android/iOS: One of the main reasons I stick with Gmail is because of the stellar search functionality. CloudMagic wants to bring that in an app that works across different accounts and email services. The app is free to download and you can set up to three accounts on Gmail, Google Apps, Yahoo Mail, Outlook.com, Mail.com, AOL, and various other services as well as IMAP accounts. Once you’re done, the app gives you a unified inbox for all your emails, with the right edge showing a color to denote which account each message belongs to. But the best part, of course, is the powerful search.

As advertised, CloudMagic’s search works across emails and its contents, as well as contacts. The results update in real-time as you type and the app will even offer autocomplete suggestions. Users can also compose emails and choose which account to send it from, although each message is appended with an annoying ‘Sent using CloudMagic’ footer.

If you want to add more accounts, remove the footer or get some security with a passcode lock, you will have to pony up $50. The app is great, but that price seems crazy for a Pro account.

Feel free to send contributions or suggestions to: webmaster@sublimedirectory.com
ASK MY GF

Q: submitted by Marl

"Why is it I wonder that some people are a turn on the instant you see them -- regardless of looks, shape or age -- while other are great to look at but to be truthful aren't a real turn on, just a conditioned reflex.

There are some people you see for the first time and know that sex with them would be as good as any you've ever had, while others, who most people might think are ten times sexier, leave you cold.

Why is that? Any clues?"

A:

"I for one, have noticed that women who fit the mainstream version of 'beautiful' or 'sexy' are actually not that great in bed. And I'm just not attracted to their features in the first place. They don't really know how to move, their technique or skills are unenthusiastic and often not very generous; like they're too selfish to put any real effort in. Which makes sense, because these women are regarded as the "ideal" and it eventually gets to their heads and makes them feel superior, and they wind up thinking that their outward appearance will get them anywhere and will always make up for whatever they lack. Hence their almost complete lack of effort when it comes to sex (among many other things outside of that)

A few close friends and I have had many conversations about this, and we all agree that their demeanor makes them unattractive both outside and inside. So I know you were mainly focusing on what makes us know when sex with someone is going to be great, but I think this has a lot to do with it if you're not the type who agrees with what the industry wants us to believe is 'attractive' or 'beautiful.'"

-TheGoodDoctor

AskMyGF
 
CLIP OF THE WEEK
This is our special section that will bring you a new Sublime clip every week. It will either be filmed by us or sent in by you guys.

Fireworks in Glasgow


Video contributions or suggestions to: webmaster@ sublimedirectory.com
 
 


STRANGE NEWS HEADLINES
MIAMI, FL -- ​Tacos are not recognized as legal forms of identification in the state of Florida [insert bad joke about immigration laws here]. Matthew Falkner found out the hard way after he passed out drunk in the drive-thru of a Jensen Beach Taco Bell and his car caught fire [insert bad joke about Taco Bell's fire sauce or volcano taco here]. The incident occurred in the early morning of October 1 in Jensen Beach, according to the blog Off the Beat. Falkner, 30, had apparently decided to make a run for a fourth meal after downing some beers, and he somehow made it all the way to the fast-food joint in his Chevy pickup, placed his order, and received his taco before falling asleep. The Taco Bell manager had to call police because Falkner was out cold at the pick-up window and holding up customers behind him. Clearly this was not a victimless crime, and our hearts go out to the hungry folks who had to wait so long for their late-night munchies. A deputy awoke Falkner and then asked for his ID. Falkner said no before reaching into his bag and presenting the officer with a taco. Another deputy clarified they were asking for an ID, not a taco. Falkner chuckled and began eating the taco. Then deputies noticed Falkner had fallen asleep with his foot on the accelerator while his truck was in park. The engine had caught fire, and fire extinguishers were used to put it out. Falkner's blood alcohol content was between .227 and .225, according to a breath test. That's three times the legal limit. He was hauled off to jail on DUI charges.
 
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This Weeks



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Winner
"Ok...how about 'down low too slow'?"-Nikki

Runner-up
"Low-balling for a high-five."-Marcus



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