For The Week Of 11/05/2012
Happy with all the porn you're taking off Sublime? Time to give something back...
This week's Sublime times features more jokes, cool sites, cheat tips, and of course
sex questions... all of them for you by you... Of course we will sweeten the pot and throw
world-famous Sublime T-shirts and hats if we use your submission on ANY of the sections below...
Email entries to webmaster@ sublimedirectory.com. Please give us feedback too!

JOKE OF THE WEEK

It was the mailman's last day on the job after 35 years of carrying the mail through all kinds of weather to the same neighborhood.

When he arrived at the first house on his route he was greeted by the whole family there, who congratulated him and sent him on his way with a big gift envelope. At the second house they presented him with a box of fine cigars. The folks at the third house handed him a selection of terrific fishing lures.

At the fourth house he was met at the door by a strikingly beautiful woman in a revealing negligee. She took him by the hand, gently led him through the door, and led him up the stairs to the bedroom where she blew his mind with the most passionate love he had ever experienced. When he had had enough they went downstairs, where she fixed him a giant breakfast, eggs, potatoes, ham, sausage, blueberry waffles, and fresh squeezed orange juice. When he was truly satisfied she poured him a cup of steaming coffee.

As she was pouring, he noticed a dollar bill sticking out from under the cup's bottom edge. "All this was just too wonderful for words," he said, "but what's the dollar for?" "Well," she said, "last night, I told my husband that today would be your last day, and that we should do something special for you. I asked him what to give you." He said, "Fuck him, give him a dollar..." The lady then said, "The breakfast was my idea."

SITES OF THE WEEK
People -Are Awesome
Head Drop -Illusion
By the -Bus Stop
Meretrices & -Prostibulae
Every -Woody Allen Movie
Ereban Down -Flash Game!
TIPS AND TRICKS
Check the Weather is a Fast Beautiful Weather App

iPhone: There’s no shortage of weather apps available for the iPhone, but Check The Weather may be the fastest one yet. Once you open the app, it will instantly determine your location and load a simple dashboard with the current temperature, a graph of the expected temperature for the rest of the day, a three day forecast, and the sunrise and sunset times. A quick swipe to the right will load a more detailed hourly forecast, and a swipe to the left will reveal an extended forecast. A swipe upwards from the bottom will load a short term rain forecast and radar, provided by Dark Sky’s fantastic API. Check The Weather doesn’t overload you with data or get bogged down with loading screens— it simply loads the most important weather information on launch, and presents it in a clean, beautiful interface. The app is $1.99 in the iOS App Store.

Feel free to send contributions or suggestions to: webmaster@sublimedirectory.com
ASK MY GF

Q: submitted by Hot Hot

"hey girls i have a sticky one here, i met this young hot guy online, we got to chatting and after a while we exchanged some pictures, he lives so far away, i will never see him, we have had some pretty hot conversations and we have sent pictures of our genitals, he is hot and a great body and looks and to top it off very well endowed, i cant get him out of my head and its going to kill me, where do i go from here??? i am falling in love with this cyber net man/"

A:
"look, between both of you, you MIGHT just be able to meet!
it can't be THAT hard!"

-Adrian

AskMyGF
 
CLIP OF THE WEEK
This is our special section that will bring you a new Sublime clip every week. It will either be filmed by us or sent in by you guys.

Slackline Balancing Dog


Video contributions or suggestions to: webmaster@ sublimedirectory.com
 
 


STRANGE NEWS HEADLINES
BURNSVILLE, MN -- Burnsville fire officials say they've never heard of so-called firewater could become a fire starter without the aid of a match or spark, but that's exactly what happened when vodka bottles magnified sunlight and started a fire inside Red Lion Liquors.

The store has been in Burnsville since 1978, and it's occupied its current building for the past nine years. They have bulletproof glass to stop burglars and vandals from breaking in, but that couldn't' protect them from a problem that started inside. "It's the unexpected things that can kind of sucker punch you," said manager Dave Hautman. Usually, the only kind of sun the staff at Red Lion Liquors have to worry about is a type of Spanish beer, but one of hottest sellers on the floor got a little too toasty when the store was closed last Sunday. Surveillance cameras captured the slow-starting fire, which began with smoke billowing from a display of vodka bottles. Soon, a small paper sign on top simply melts away. Eventually, the heat got so intense that the tops popped off of the vodka bottles, spraying streams of steaming liquor. In the end, the display caught fire, sending some flames shooting up to 12 feet in the air. "We have shades on the windows. We'll pull them down on sunny days to protect the wine on the shelves, never thinking it would ever start a fire," Hautman said. It turns out that sunlight coming through the window turned the vodka bottles into a magnifying glass, slowly starting the cardboard on fire while a ceiling fan above fanned the flames.

"It was just this freak thing," Hautman said.

Even the Burnsville fire marshal had never seen anything like it.

"It was entertaining," Hautman recalled. "The firefighters were standing next to me like they were watching a new video game. They were going, 'This is so cool!'" After being closed for nearly two weeks, the store re-opened on Friday morning. Hautman said the store mostly suffered smoke damage and only a little water damage from the sprinklers and fire response, but they've tinted the windows to prevent the same thing from happening again -- and they'll be a bit more careful about where they place the displays.
 
BEAT THE CAPTION--GET FREE STUFF!

This is your chance to make a difference! Send in the captions that you think best suits "this weeks" picture below.

If you win you get a free Sublime Tee!
Runners up will win a kick ass Sublime Hat!

This Weeks



Last Weeks


Winner
"Looks like someone took Minecraft too seriously." Christian

Runner-up
"A group of exes with [pick] axes to grind." -Vic



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