A man gets sent to prison and, as soon as he walks in, his huge, buff cellmate says to him, “We’re gonna play house. Do you want to be the mommy or the daddy?” After thinking about it for a minute, the man slowly answers, “Well, if I have to choose, I guess I’ll be the daddy.” “OK,” his cellmate says, “then get over here and suck mommy’s dick.”

Q: submitted by Jon

hey JD, how the hell are ya? your sight is by far the best on the net. i have a question for you... heres the situation... i think weve all been there, you and your girlfriend are going at it, yada yada yada, eventually the time comes to put on the condom, and get down to buisness. you go to put on the condom, and the cold air hits your johnson. you put the thing on and it squeezes the life out of you, and then of corse you cant feel shit with the thing on. my question to you is, what are some better versions of birth control you would recomend? the pill is out of the question at in my situation (it has adverse effects on my girlfriend) and she wont to get the shot (sais it can cause infertility). I dont know what any other alternatives are, so i need your help

A:
i know what you are saying about the jimmys...they just plain suck. now if your only worry is the pregnancy thing, and not diseases, then you have a lot more options. if you are wearing them because you want to protect yourself from STDs and pregnancy then that is your only option really (besides both of you getting tested and then you getting a vasectomy or your girl getting her tubes tied...a solution that is probably a bit more extreme than what you are looking for!). the only thing to help the "shrinkage" that can often occur with wearing a condom is viagra. take that shit and you could stay hard banging a prostitute with an iron jimmy! plus there is some new stuff coming out that does the same as viagra without some of the side affects. now lets go over what your options are if your main concern is the pregnancy thing. if you've been with your girl and you know she is disease free then you can try a number of things to keep her from getting pregnant. i'll go over the options one by one. the ones that don't work and will give you a false sense of security is the "pull out" and "rhythm method." practice those bad boys and you'll have a little one in no time. here are ones that do work: condom, female condom, pill, norplant, depo shot, diaphragm, spermicides and IUD. now because your girl doesn't react will with the chemical birth controls and you don't like condoms we can throw them all away except for female condom, diapragm, spermicides and IUD. the female condom works and is supposed to less uncomfortable for the male than a condom but supposedly looks a little freaky. it is cheap though (couple bucks more than a condom) so its maybe worth giving it a try. the diapragm works and many women still use it but it takes a little bit out of the spontaneity of the act. it has to be put in within 6 hours of having sex and a girl has to learn how to get in there correctly. the IUD is old school and can cause infertility if used for a really long time. the last option is a foam type spermicide. you fill a tube up of this stuff and inject it in your girls honey pot before having sex. i think this may be the best option to try for your particular situation (a no pill or condom solution). it is also cheap and easy to try. i'll tell you one thing...skip goin' down on your girl after injecting that stuff. it's like going down on a kitchen table after getting cleaned with windex! hope this helps my friend...

-JD