For The Week Of 11/18/02
Happy with all the porn you are taking off sublime.. time to give something back...
This week's sublime times features more jokes, cool sites, cheat tips, and of course
Sex questions... all of them for you by you... Of course we will sweeten the pot and throw
world famous sublime T-shirts and hats if we use your submission on ANY of the sections below...
Email entrees to mailto:webmaster@sublimedirectory.com?subject=stimes. Please give us feedback too!

JOKE OF THE WEEK

A man gets sent to prison and, as soon as he walks in, his huge, buff cellmate says to him, “We’re gonna play house. Do you want to be the mommy or the daddy?” After thinking about it for a minute, the man slowly answers, “Well, if I have to choose, I guess I’ll be the daddy.” “OK,” his cellmate says, “then get over here and suck mommy’s dick.”

SITES OF THE WEEK
Public Shave -Shave Your Ass Properly.
Official MIT Nerd Test -Freakin Geeks.
Burger King Emp. -Turn The Speakers up!
Hangover Guide -Party 24/7?!
Stick Dance -Amusing Flash!
Quick Draw -Game Of The Week!
Tip and Trick of the Week
Cheat....Term Paper Deadlines!

To turn in a report days late without penalty, first create a copy of any nontext file already on your computer, such as a small image or audio clip. Change the file’s extension (.jpg, .wav, etc.) to that of any outdated word processor program you know your school does not use. WordPerfect (.wps) is usually a good one. The day your paper is due, bring a copy of the “report” with you on disk and tell your teacher that your printer is broken. Ask apologetically if you can simply print it out on the school’s equipment. Their computer either won’t recognize the format or will unsuccessfully try to convert it. Explain that you use WordPerfect version 2.0 (or whatever antiquated program you’ve chosen), and that the school’s software apparently doesn’t support it. Depending on your instructor’s temperament, you may have as long as you like to turn it in (i.e., till your printer’s fixed).

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ASK DOCTOR JD

Q: submitted by Jon

hey JD, how the hell are ya? your sight is by far the best on the net. i have a question for you... heres the situation... i think weve all been there, you and your girlfriend are going at it, yada yada yada, eventually the time comes to put on the condom, and get down to buisness. you go to put on the condom, and the cold air hits your johnson. you put the thing on and it squeezes the life out of you, and then of corse you cant feel shit with the thing on. my question to you is, what are some better versions of birth control you would recomend? the pill is out of the question at in my situation (it has adverse effects on my girlfriend) and she wont to get the shot (sais it can cause infertility). I dont know what any other alternatives are, so i need your help

A:
i know what you are saying about the jimmys...they just plain suck. now if your only worry is the pregnancy thing, and not diseases, then you have a lot more options. if you are wearing them because you want to protect yourself from STDs and pregnancy then that is your only option really (besides both of you getting tested and then you getting a vasectomy or your girl getting her tubes tied...a solution that is probably a bit more extreme than what you are looking for!). the only thing to help the "shrinkage" that can often occur with wearing a condom is viagra. take that shit and you could stay hard banging a prostitute with an iron jimmy! plus there is some new stuff coming out that does the same as viagra without some of the side affects. now lets go over what your options are if your main concern is the pregnancy thing. if you've been with your girl and you know she is disease free then you can try a number of things to keep her from getting pregnant. i'll go over the options one by one. the ones that don't work and will give you a false sense of security is the "pull out" and "rhythm method." practice those bad boys and you'll have a little one in no time. here are ones that do work: condom, female condom, pill, norplant, depo shot, diaphragm, spermicides and IUD. now because your girl doesn't react will with the chemical birth controls and you don't like condoms we can throw them all away except for female condom, diapragm, spermicides and IUD. the female condom works and is supposed to less uncomfortable for the male than a condom but supposedly looks a little freaky. it is cheap though (couple bucks more than a condom) so its maybe worth giving it a try. the diapragm works and many women still use it but it takes a little bit out of the spontaneity of the act. it has to be put in within 6 hours of having sex and a girl has to learn how to get in there correctly. the IUD is old school and can cause infertility if used for a really long time. the last option is a foam type spermicide. you fill a tube up of this stuff and inject it in your girls honey pot before having sex. i think this may be the best option to try for your particular situation (a no pill or condom solution). it is also cheap and easy to try. i'll tell you one thing...skip goin' down on your girl after injecting that stuff. it's like going down on a kitchen table after getting cleaned with windex! hope this helps my friend...

-JD

 
CLIP OF THE WEEK
This is our special section that will bring you a new sublime clip every week. It will either be filmed by us or sent in by you guys.


Kung Fu Soccer
 
 

to view clip: right click mouse and choose "save target as" option. save the file "kung.wmv" to your desktop. once downloaded simply double click the new "kung.wmv" icon on your desktop to watch the movie.




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STRANGE NEWS HEADLINES
HARARE (Reuters) - A Zimbabwean woman has told a court that she paraded naked before a traditional healer as part of a ritual he had allegedly promised would gain her entry into Britain, according to a Sunday newspaper. The state-owned Sunday Mail said the woman had been ordered to strip naked and walk around the healer, who sprinkled her with water to cleanse evil spirits. The healer is being tried on criminal injury charges for allegedly coercing the woman to go through a humiliating ordeal. Thousands of Zimbabweans are trying to flee the African country's grave shortage of food and political turmoil, with Britain a prime destination. But London has begun requiring Zimbabweans to gain visas for entry. The woman told the court she became suspicious after the healer charged her a fee of Z$23,000 (264 pounds) for the ritual, far above the Z$4,720 she had expected.
 
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"Wish You Were Here"-Lake
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"On the next Cock's " When lesbians attack" . No boys, No boys, whatcha gonna do, whatcha gonna do when they blue ball you."-Justin
"That's what I call an all you can eat buffet!"-George



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