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OF THE WEEK
A new Captain inspected his soldier and he noticed a female camel.
The captain asked, "What's this camel doing here?"
The Sergeant shyly answered, "We use this camel when we feel an urge to have sex. Sir!"
The Captain understood his soldiers needs so he let the camel stay. One night, the captain felt an urge to have sex so the Sergeant brought the camel to his tent.
After having sex with the camel, he saw the Sergeant smiling outside. So he asked the Sergeant, "Is that the way you guys do it around here?"
The Sergeant replied, "No Sir, we usually ride the camel to the next town where the girls are."
Personally I don’t care for telemarketers, in fact I really don’t care for them. They call at the most inoppertune times - when you’re eating, sleeping, relaxing, or just sitting around doing nothing (yea even then it’s annoying). In the even you have alittle time on your hands and want to really ensure they don’t call back (let’s face it, the National Do Not Call List only goes so far)… here is the F&J top 10 list for getting rid of a telemarketer…
1: Say, “No,” over and over. Be sure to vary the sound of each no, and keep an even tempo even as they’re trying to speak. Maybe sing a song with all “No’s” This is the most fun if you can keep going until they hang up.
2: If they want to loan you money, tell them you just filed for bankruptcy and you could it. Ask, “How long can I keep it? Do I have to ever pay it back, or is it like that other money I borrowed before my bankruptcy?”
3: If they start out with, “How are you today?” say, “Why do you want to know?” Or you can say, “I’m so glad you asked, because no one seems to care these days and I have all these problems, my colon is acting up again, my rectum are sore, my pet rock just died…” When they try to get back to the sales process, just keep talking about your problems… if they persist - ask them why they don’t care.
4: If the person says he’s Joe Shmoe from the Acme Company, ask him to spell his name, then ask him to spell the company name, then ask for his address. Ask for landmarks. Continue asking questions about the company for as long as necessary.
5: This one works better if you are male: Telemarketer: “Hi, my name is Jessica and I’m with Roger Dodd Services…. You: “Hang on a second.” (few seconds pause) “Okay, (in a really husky voice) what are you wearing?”
6: If you get one of those pushy sales people who just won’t shut up, patiently listen to their sales pitch. When they try to close the deal, tell them that you’ll need to go get your credit card. Then, just set the phone down and go do laundry, go shopping or whatever. See how long that commission based scum waits for you to get your credit card.
7: If a long distance phone company calls trying to get you to sign up for their Family and Friends plan, reply, in as sinister a voice as you can, “I don’t have any friends… would you be my friend?” If that doesn’t work, say “Please.”
8: Tell them you work for the same company they work for. For example: Telemarketer: “This is John From Acme Sales.”
You: “Acme Sales, hey I work for them too! Which center are you calling from?”
Telemarketer: “Uh, Dallas, Texas.”
You: “Great, how’s business over there? The weather? Too bad the company has a policy against selling to employees! Oh well, see ya.”
9: Let the person go through their spiel, providing minimal but necessary feedback in the form of an occasional “Uh-huh, really, or, “That’s fascinating.” Finally, when they ask you to buy, ask them to marry you. They get all flustered, but just tell them you couldn’t give your credit card number to someone who’s a complete stranger. You might even find your soulmate.
10: Tell the telemarketer (this is my personal favorite) you are busy and if they will give you their phone number you will call them back. If they say they are not allowed to give out their number, then ask them for their home number and tell them you will call them at home (this is usually the most effective method of getting rid of telemarketers). If the sales person says, “Well, I don’t really want to get a call at home,” say, “Ya! Now you know how I feel.” (smiling, of course…)
Feel free to send contributions or suggestions to email@example.com
submited by Chris
Every year, around winter time, I get red patches of dry skin on my scrotum. I tried moisturizer and aloe vera, but the redness doesn’t seem to go away until the end of winter. What should I do or use if I want to get rid of this problem?
It seems like you might have yourself a case of eczema. Winter actually induces eczema flare-ups because the dry cold of the season dries out your skin and causes it to chap and crack. Talk to your doctor about applying a hydrocortisone cream to the area for relief.
Other ways to help you make it through the cold winter months without the annoying irritation of eczema are:
Avoiding hard soaps and cleansers that dry out the skin.
Avoiding irritating fabrics.
Using unscented creams and soaps.
Moisturizing a few times a day.
CLIP OF THE WEEK
This is our special section that will bring you
a new sublime clip every week. It will either be filmed by us or
sent in by you guys.
'Spiderman' scales part of China mountain
Mon Nov 19, 1:43 AM ET
BEIJING - A daredevil French climber nicknamed "Spiderman" scaled part of a mountain in southern China using only his bare hands, months after he was banned from the country for clambering up Shanghai's tallest building without permission. Alain Robert, known for scaling the world's tallest buildings, climbed 200 meters (656 feet) near the top of Hunan province's Tianmen Mountain without equipment Sunday, the official Xinhua news agency said. Instead of being arrested, this time the climber was hailed for his exploit, shown on state television surrounded by celebrating crowds. Local officials had invited Robert to climb on the mountain in Zhangjiajie National Forest Park, hoping the stunt would draw attention and tourism to the area. Robert spent five days in a Shanghai jail and was banned from China for five years in June after he scaled the eastern city's famed Jin Mao tower while dressed in a spiderman costume. It took two months to convince people in seven different Chinese government departments of the advantages of letting him back in to climb the 1,518-meter (4,982-foot) Tianmen Mountain, he said in an interview with The Associated Press before the weekend climb. Robert, 45, has made a name for himself as an "urban climber," scaling some of the world's tallest skyscrapers including the Taipei 101 in Taiwan, Malaysia's Petronas Towers and Hong Kong's Far East Finance Center. He has also climbed the Eiffel Tower in Paris and the Empire State Building in New York, all without any safety gear.
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"Shortly after being seen at this local tailgaiting party, police apprehended Mr. Twinkie with a cream filling alcohol level that was off the charts."-Kenan Runners-up
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