|JOKE OF THE
The CIA had an opening for an assassin.
After all of the background checks, interviews, and testing were
done there were three finalists — two men and one woman. For the
final test, the CIA agents took one of the men to a large metal door
and handed him a gun. “We must know that you will follow your
instructions, no matter what the circumstances. Inside this room you
will find your wife sitting in a chair. You have to kill her.” The
first man said.“You can’t be serious. I could never shoot my wife,”
The agent replies, “Then you’re not the right man for this job." The
second man was given the same instructions. He took the gun and went
into the room. All was quiet for about five minutes. Then the agent
came out with tears in his eyes. “I tried, but I can’t kill my
wife.” The agent replies, “You don’t have what it takes. Take your
wife and go home.” Finally, it was the woman’s turn. Only she was
told to kill her husband. She took the gun and went into the room.
Shots were heard, one shot after another. They heard screaming,
crashing, banging on the walls. After a few minutes, all was quiet.
The door opened slowly and there stood the woman. She wiped the
sweat from her brow and said, “You guys didn’t tell me the gun was
loaded with blanks. I had to beat him to death with the chair.” ”
|SITES OF THE
- Fight with the Wife. |
|Dead or Alive
-Famous Celebs. |
|Diary - George Bush
|Voodoo Magic - Cast a
|Ugly Chicks! -
Beauty is in the eye of the beholder.
|Pizza Love! |
|On a busy night (i.e.
weekend), order your pizza. When it arrives, wait five minutes, and
call them back, explaining that the pizza was OK, except it was all
mangled up, as if it turned upside down in the box. Lay it on,
telling them that “having worked in a pizza joint in college
yourself,” you understand that delivery guys can get really busy and
inadvertently pull the pizzas out sideways. Tell them that you’re
going to eat the pizza, but that you wanted to let them know what
happened, so that it’s not a problem next time. They almost always
give you a credit for a free one, regardless. If that doesn’t do the
trick, call the pizza place and tell them they delivered the wrong
pie. Minutes later, the delivery guy will come to your door with the
pizza you requested. They won’t ask for the old pizza back because
it’s policy, and they don’t know what you may have done to it. That
makes two pizzas for the price of one! |
Q: submitted by J
jd, i am a huge fan of sublime times and i love the 'ask doctor jd'.
well i have a problem that i cant quite figure out. i went out with
this girl for over a year and we have been broken up since last
february. she was my first love and i cant get her out of my mind. i
have been with other girls since her but the sex isnt the same and i
cant seem to like them as much. i truely loved this girl and she
loved me but i cheated and got screwed. i want this girl back into
my life but i dont know how to get her. i have tried everything,
telling her...taking her out to eat...sending her flowers, etc. but
nothing works. i was hoping maybe you could help me out with this
problem and help me get this girl back. thanks man and sublime
directory rules!!! help me out
let this be a lesson
to all you guys out there that are considering cheating on your
girlfriend. if you need sex outside of your relationship then you
should not be in that relationship. a girl is going to be a lot more
understanding if you break up in order to have some time to yourself
than if you flat out cheat on her. this girl you have cheated on is
going to have trust issues for a very long time, if not forever,
with you. the only way to win her trust back is to show her that you
are a changed person. the hard part is going to be making this
change. i'm not going to tell anyone how to live his or her life but
i can be pretty sure that we would all agree on the fact that karma
is a very real thing. start taking karma into consideration when
making all decisions and i think this girl will start to see you in
a very different light. now don't think just because you help an old
lady across the street this girl is going to jump back into your
arms. it is going to be a long process and you must be patient. make
it clear to her that all you are asking for is her friendship right
now. just enjoy your time together and give her time to see this new
person. if she continues to see the "old you" she will surely, and
rightly, feel that you could easily be up to your "old ways." focus
on making her feel special and appreciated. go out of your way to
make her feel special but don't expect anything in return..at least
in the short term. you need to make it clear that you are being nice
to her because she is a special person and deservers it...not
because you are just trying to win her back. oh yeah..don't forget
to whack off before hanging around with her. i've mentioned this
many times before...you can not have sex on your mind when you are
trying to when a girl back -- it just fucks up your game plan. i
know it may seem drastic to change your life in order to win an old
girlfriend back but think about how you made this girl feel by
betraying her trust. besides, i think you will find that your
quality of life will be much higher when you start realizing why
karma is so important. good luck! ;-)
Clip OF THE WEEK
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A Real Romeo!
contributions or suggestions to mailto:firstname.lastname@example.org?subject=stimes_video.
|Sexual assaults by adults
against children in South Africa have almost doubled in two
years, prompted probably, say officials, by a growing belief
in the countryside that having sex with a virgin will cure an
HIV-positive man. According to a health official in Durban:
"We have no idea where this idea has come from, but it has
been around for a few years and has certainly taken hold,"
especially in view of the country's sharp increase in AIDS
cases. The country was stunned in early November when six men,
attempting to "protect" themselves, were charged with the rape
of a baby.
CAPTION-- GET FREE STUFF!
This is your chance to
make a difference! Send in the caption that you think best suits
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"Go go gadget penis
extension " -
"The Tin Man wanting to
win Dorothy's affection this time, fitted with Ribbed skin and
slinky forearms. He was sure to make her cum down the yellow brick
road this time. " -Dave
""anthrax? i'm not takin' any chances!!!"
"Yo baby, you know what they say about guys with long arms