The CIA had an opening for an assassin. After all of the background checks, interviews, and testing were done there were three finalists — two men and one woman. For the final test, the CIA agents took one of the men to a large metal door and handed him a gun. “We must know that you will follow your instructions, no matter what the circumstances. Inside this room you will find your wife sitting in a chair. You have to kill her.” The first man said.“You can’t be serious. I could never shoot my wife,” The agent replies, “Then you’re not the right man for this job." The second man was given the same instructions. He took the gun and went into the room. All was quiet for about five minutes. Then the agent came out with tears in his eyes. “I tried, but I can’t kill my wife.” The agent replies, “You don’t have what it takes. Take your wife and go home.” Finally, it was the woman’s turn. Only she was told to kill her husband. She took the gun and went into the room. Shots were heard, one shot after another. They heard screaming, crashing, banging on the walls. After a few minutes, all was quiet. The door opened slowly and there stood the woman. She wiped the sweat from her brow and said, “You guys didn’t tell me the gun was loaded with blanks. I had to beat him to death with the chair.” ”

Q: submitted by J
hey jd, i am a huge fan of sublime times and i love the 'ask doctor jd'. well i have a problem that i cant quite figure out. i went out with this girl for over a year and we have been broken up since last february. she was my first love and i cant get her out of my mind. i have been with other girls since her but the sex isnt the same and i cant seem to like them as much. i truely loved this girl and she loved me but i cheated and got screwed. i want this girl back into my life but i dont know how to get her. i have tried everything, telling her...taking her out to eat...sending her flowers, etc. but nothing works. i was hoping maybe you could help me out with this problem and help me get this girl back. thanks man and sublime directory rules!!! help me out

A:
let this be a lesson to all you guys out there that are considering cheating on your girlfriend. if you need sex outside of your relationship then you should not be in that relationship. a girl is going to be a lot more understanding if you break up in order to have some time to yourself than if you flat out cheat on her. this girl you have cheated on is going to have trust issues for a very long time, if not forever, with you. the only way to win her trust back is to show her that you are a changed person. the hard part is going to be making this change. i'm not going to tell anyone how to live his or her life but i can be pretty sure that we would all agree on the fact that karma is a very real thing. start taking karma into consideration when making all decisions and i think this girl will start to see you in a very different light. now don't think just because you help an old lady across the street this girl is going to jump back into your arms. it is going to be a long process and you must be patient. make it clear to her that all you are asking for is her friendship right now. just enjoy your time together and give her time to see this new person. if she continues to see the "old you" she will surely, and rightly, feel that you could easily be up to your "old ways." focus on making her feel special and appreciated. go out of your way to make her feel special but don't expect anything in return..at least in the short term. you need to make it clear that you are being nice to her because she is a special person and deservers it...not because you are just trying to win her back. oh yeah..don't forget to whack off before hanging around with her. i've mentioned this many times before...you can not have sex on your mind when you are trying to when a girl back -- it just fucks up your game plan. i know it may seem drastic to change your life in order to win an old girlfriend back but think about how you made this girl feel by betraying her trust. besides, i think you will find that your quality of life will be much higher when you start realizing why karma is so important. good luck! ;-)

-JD