For The Week Of 12/11/2006
Happy with all the porn you are taking off sublime.. time to give something back...
This week's sublime times features more jokes, cool sites, cheat tips, and of course
Sex questions... all of them for you by you... Of course we will sweeten the pot and throw
world famous sublime T-shirts and hats if we use your submission on ANY of the sections below...
Email entrees to webmaster@sublimedirectory.com. Please give us feedback too!

JOKE OF THE WEEK

A blonde, wanting to earn some money, decided to hire herself out as a handyman-type and started canvassing a wealthy neighborhood. She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any jobs for her to do. "Well, you can paint my porch. How much will you charge?" The blonde said, "How about 50 dollars?" The man agreed and told her that the paint and ladders that she might need were in the garage. The man's wife, inside the house, heard the conversation and said to her husband, "Does she realize that the porch goes all the way around the house?" The man replied, "She should. She was standing on the porch." A short time later, the blonde came to the door to collect her money. "You're finished already?" he asked. "Yes," the blonde answered, "and I had paint left over, so I gave it two coats. "Impressed, the man reached in his pocket for the $50. "And by the way," the blonde added, "that's not a Porch, it's a Ferrari."

SITES OF THE WEEK
Obscure Terms -Dictionary of
I'm suing you! -Because I'm an idiot!
Menstrual Arts & Crafts -Tampon Holiday Activities!
Wacky Uses -For all products!
Crazy Laws-Check your state and stay outta the slammer!
Super Pang -Game Of The Week!
Tip and Trick of the Week
Hungover....Try This!
Drink Buttermilk. (ughhh) It will calm you stomach and add badly needed liquid into your system. That is, if you can keep buttermilk down hungover. Ginseng tea is given to relieve the effects of alcohol. This may be the practice, but there is no reason to believe ginseng will help. Reduce the amount of sugar you consume while drinking. The boosted metabolism of sugar AND alcohol will accelerate the depletion of B vitamins and make your hangover worse. Drinking homemade Sauerkraut juice, the solution in which the cabbage was fermented in, in the morning (a staple hangover remedy in Serbia, called rasol) Greasy food is a fairly effective remedy, though not as effective as "preemptive strikes" like the aforementioned Ibuprofen at night. Going for a swim in cold water feels painful, but often helps to manage the headache. “The hair of the dog”. a.k.a. drink more. Well liked and effective, but this is more of a procrastination tactic, as a hangover is basically alcohol withdraw and you’re just prolonging your inebriation. Have sex. First of all: easier said than done hungover. Second of all: oh, wait, ’sounds good other than that first thing. This gets your blood pumping and will release endorphins which are natural painkillers and mood-enhancers. See exercise below. Drinking Coke or Pepsi. (The “Black Aspirin” or “Red Ambulance”) the caffeine, bubbles and sugar can be easier to hold down than pure water (or buttermilk). Sugar partially compensates the inhibition of the gluconeogenesis. Drinking pickle juice, the solution in which cucumbers were pickled, in the morning (a staple hangover remedy in Russia and Poland). It is sometimes suggested to add honey to the solution. Eating some Asparagus before bed. Asparagus is a diuretic and these only compound the problem. Eating whole jalapeños. This will certainly wake you up. Pedialyte. This contains more electrolytes than almost any over-the-counter drug. This will help you re-hydrate your body as quickly as possible. Eating mineral-rich foods, like pickles or canned fish.See buttermilk, above. Gross. Feel free to send contributions or suggestions to webmaster@sublimedirectory.com
ASK TINA

Q: submited by Z
Why aren’t there any quality girls out there anymore? All I seem to meet are either beer sluts or easy-to-get girls. What ever happened to the good girls?

A:

Have you called up Andre 3000 to see if he’s figured it out yet? If not, I suspect the good girls, as you say, probably left the bars, strip clubs, and Hooters you’ve been hanging out in long ago. As in real estate, the three most important things in meeting the kind of people you want to jibe with are location, location, and location. If you really want a highly principled girl who won’t touch a drop of the evil liquor to her lips and who won’t even dream about sleeping with you until you’re hitched, hang out at Baptist conventions. Or if you’re looking for the brainy sort, try skulking around libraries or college campuses. Or and I’ll let you in on a secret here if you like the in-shape type who take care of their bodies, spend some time in a health-food store, especially if it’s a big fancy one with fresh produce, in a large urban area. As a boyfriend of mine once correctly hypothesized, the better the grocery store, the hotter the girls.

-Tina

 
CLIP OF THE WEEK
This is our special section that will bring you a new sublime clip every week. It will either be filmed by us or sent in by you guys.


Just One More Tequila!
 
 

to view clip: right click video and choose "save target as" option. save the file "movie.wmv" to your desktop. once downloaded simply double click the new "movie.wmv" icon on your desktop to watch the movie.




Video contributions or suggestions to webmaster@sublimedirectory.com.
 
 


STRANGE NEWS HEADLINES
Child Arrested After Opening Holiday Gift Early What is the penalty for opening your Christmas presents too early? For one South Carolina 12-year-old, the penalty was arrest. A Rock Hill, S.C., woman called police and asked them to arrest her son who opened a Christmas present early after being told not to, the Rock Hill Herald reported. Police went to the house and arrested the boy and charged him with petty larceny. The paper reported that the boy's great-grandmother had specifically told him not to open his present, which contained a Nintendo Game Boy Advance. It was wrapped and lying under the Christmas tree, the police report stated. But on Sunday morning, the gift was unwrapped and the box was empty. So when the boy's mother found out, she alerted police, the paper reported. "He took it without permission. He wanted it. He just took it," the 63-year-old great-grandmother told the Herald. The women said that the boy lied to them at first, saying he was unaware of where the video game system was. After threat of calling the police, the boy apparently gave the toy back to his mother, the paper reported. But the upset mother called police anyway. Two officers responded and charged the child as a juvenile with petty larceny, although he was not jailed. The mother told the Herald that she didn't know what else to do with her son, so she called police. The paper reported she is a single mother and has been struggling with constant behavior problems from the boy. She said her son still showed no remorse when the police came. "I'm trying to get him some kind of help," the 27-year-old mother told the paper. "He's the type of kid who doesn't believe anything until it happens." She said he has shoplifted, stolen money from her, punched a police officer and is nearing expulsion from school. She told the paper that she hopes this arrest will be a wake-up call for her son, because she worries about getting a call someday telling her he's been killed. The mother plans to have her son placed with the state Department of Juvenile Justice in Columbia at his court appearance, the Herald reported.
 
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