For The Week Of 12/17/01
Happy with all the porn you are taking off sublime.. time to give something back...
This week's sublime times features more Jokes, cool sites, cheat tips, and of course
Sex questions... all of them for you by you... Of course we will sweeten the pot and throw
world famous sublime T-shirts and hats if we use your submission on ANY of the sections below...
Email entrees to mailto:webmaster@sublimedirectory.com?subject=stimes. Please give us feedback too!

JOKE OF THE WEEK

Did you hear abut the young white male that was about to graduate from college with his Law degree and a Degree in Business Science? He felt he needed a wife to further his career in the business world. He wanted to marry a nice girl, not the type of girls he had been dating and sleeping with. He wanted a virgin as pure as the driven snow. He began his search. Each time he met a girl, after several dates, he would show them his penis. Each time he would ask what they called the instrument he was showing. Each time the reply would be something like, prick, cock, dick, love stick, etc. Finally one night he showed his tool to a sweet innocent girl that just had to be a virgin. When he ask her what she called the thing he was displaying to her she replied "It's a peepee!" Knowing he finally had found the virgin he had been looking for, he ask her to marry him. Without delay they were married. The first night in the honeymoon suit he again showed her his tool and again ask her what she call it. Again, she called it a peepee. Because of his macho image of himself he immediately told her that from now on she could call his love tool a "prick". She replied "Oh no!! I can't do that!!" She immediately held up her hands with approximately fourteen inches between them and said "A PRICK IS THIS LONG AND BLACK!!"

SITES OF THE WEEK
Pierced -Piercing Pics.
Spank! -The Monkey.
Super Hot -Brazilian Models!!
Kill One or All -Beverly Hills 90210!
Please Your Girlfriend -Great Sex Ideas.
TIPS & TRICKS
Free Groceries!
Want some free groceries? I began this little habit in college when money was tight. Simply pass off coupons for groceries you didnt buy. This trick works best when you have at least $75 worth of groceries, and you have a nice stack of legitimate coupons to go with them. Every Sunday I go through the coupons and tear out a few extra 50 or 75 cent coupons for products I have no intention of buying, and mix them into my regular coupons and off I go to the grocery store. Another tip is to look for coupons that are similar to what you'd buy, but aren't exactly the same, for example a different brand of juice or cereal. That way if you should ever happen to get caught (which you won't) you can say you grabbed the wrong brand, or that you meant to get the product but you forgot it. It works even better if the store is crowded. However, don't try to pass off expired coupons, cashiers look for those, because they get reprimands from their managers for accepting them. Don't get crazy either, limit it to 3-5 coupons or $3-$4. This isn't the biggest scam in the world, but it's practical because EVERYONE has to grocery shop, and who doesnt want $10 in free groceries a month?
ASK DOCTOR JD

Q: submitted by Amber

I am going to visit my kinky-as-hell boyfriend soon. I promised him I would bring along some toys and I am not sure which vibrator to get. There are so many of them out there, one of them has got to be better than the others? There are bullet shaped ones with what looks like a remote control and then there are the ones that look like real penises. I thought you might be able to help me and I didn't really know who else to ask. So if you can offer any words of wisdom on vibrators, I would greatly appreciate it. Ummm, do you have any other suggestions about how I can make this trip totally xxx-rated?

A:
sounds like you are going to have a great weekend. are you bringing your camera? j/k. ok, lets get down to business. let me start off by saying you sound like an awesome girlfriend. take some notes ladies..a girl that takes an active roll in spicing up the sex is always going to keep a man. some ladies may say that they do not feel comfortable playing with toys in front of a man -- i say hogwash..you only live once! loosen up and enjoy one of lifes few free pleasures! ;-) i suggest you bring two toys. one to do a little show for your boyfriend and one for actual intercourse. if you really want to blow his mind and get your pussy to cum ridiculous get the jack rabbit vibrator. it is actually a dildo and a vibrator. the dildo part has vibrating pearls inside that cause the shaft to expand and it has a pair of rabbit ears that stick out and vibrate to stimulate the clitoris. talk about foreplay. give yourself about 10 minutes with this thing while your boyfriend watches and watch out. you'll cum all over the sheets and his cock will be rigid hard from seeing you squirm and cum so good. now that you got him ready to explode and your pussy is all warmed up jump to some intercourse. here you are going to use a little vibrator, which i'm sure you've heard of, called the pocket rocket. it is a little guy but packs a punch. the combo of having the real thing inside you now and this powerful little vibrator on your clit will result in a mind blowing orgasm -- and when your boyfriend sees you rubbing that vibrator frantically over your clit and cumming over and over again he is going to have the orgasm of his life (at this point i'd just be getting warmed up and ready for some real bedroom activity but we'll save that for another issue). oh yeah..get some water based lube too so that the vibrator runs smoothly over your clit. good luck and drop me an email to let me know how it goes.

-JD

 
Clip OF THE WEEK
This is our special section that will bring you a new sublime clip every week. It will either be filmed by us or sent in by you guys.


Boob Fight!
 
 

to view clip: right click mouse and choose "save target as" option. save the file "boob.mpeg" to your desktop. once downloaded simply double click the new "boob.mpeg" icon on your desktop to watch the movie.


Big Brown Boob Smut!


Video contributions or suggestions to mailto:webmaster@sublimedirectory.com?subject=stimes_video.
 
 


STRANGE NEWS HEADLINES
A 49-year-old grandmother has been charged with prostitution and running a bondage den in the basement of her home where her two grandsons live, police said. Jacquess Dyer Patton-Ugan was arrested Monday when police raided her home and confiscated an extensive array of sexual devices and bondage equipment, including whips and a wooden horse with padding and straps, according to police. Police also confiscated photographs, customer questionnaires and paperwork, among other items. Police said the woman is suspected of advertising on a Web site in which potential customers are encouraged to explore the erotic world of domination in ``the confines of Madame Venus Du Plaisir's Paradise.'' The Web site showed Madame Venus standing on a patio scantily dressed in a police uniform. Detectives contacted her over the Internet and eventually made an appointment for a $175 consultation. According to the criminal complaint, the woman outlined a series of sexual and bondage acts she would perform and scheduled a one-hour appointment for Monday. The undercover officer posing as a customer filled out a questionnaire and was taken to the basement where she explained how the bondage equipment worked. The officer then signaled police who stormed the home and arrested the woman and her husband. According to an affidavit, police also are investigating reports that the grandsons, ages 10 and 12, had seen their grandmother having sex with people other than their grandfather. The woman's husband Richard Lyle Ugan,60, was charged with keeping a house of prostitution. The criminal complaint said that while the woman admitted to performing numerous sadomasochistic acts over the past two years, her husband said that he let his wife play in her basement room. But, he prohibited her from having sex or charging people.

 
BEAT THE CAPTION-- GET FREE STUFF!

This is your chance to make a difference! Send in the caption that you think best suits "this weeks" picture below. If you win you get a free sublime T!

This Weeks



Last Weeks

Winner
"I dunno man...I dont think the clerk at the convienance store is gonna be to scared!!"-Bryan&Rhonda
Runners-up
"Poster of horrible band-$2.00... Your sisters blue thong- Stolen... Having a dick so small you need to wear a mask- PRICELESS! " -gray
"El Cocko knew his undefeated streak would stay intact against the homophobic American pro-wrestlers..." -Funk
"Peter Porker the Spectacular Spider-Ham was unhappy about the location of his new 'spinneret" " -Philip

Archived Issues:
|06-18-2001 |06-25-2001 |07-02-2001 |07-09-2001 |07-16-2001 |
|07-23-2001 |07-30-2001 |08-06-2001 |08-13-2001 |08-20-2001 |
|08-27-2001 |09-03-2001 |09-10-2001 |09-17-2001 |09-23-2001 |
|10-01-2001 |10-08-2001 |10-15-2001 |10-22-2001 |10-30-2001|
|11-05-2001 |11-12-2001 |11-17-2001 |11-24-2001|12-03-2001 |
|12-10-2001 |




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