When the ark's door was closed Noah called a meeting with all the animals. "Listen up!" Noah said with a demanding voice. "There will be NO sex on this trip. All of you males take off your penis and hand it in to my sons. I will sit over there and write you a receipt. After we see land, you can get your penis back." After about a week Mr. Rabbit stormed into his wife's cage and was very excited. "Quick!" he said, "Get on my shoulders and look out the window to see if there is any land out there!" Mrs. Rabbit got onto his shoulders, looked out the window, and said, "Sorry, no land "Damn!", exclaimed Mr. Rabbit. This went on every day until Mrs. Rabbit got fed up with him. Mrs. Rabbit asked, "What is the matter with you? You know it will rain for forty days and nights. Only after the water has drained will we be able to see land. But why are you acting so excited every day?" "Look!", said Mr. Rabbit with a sly expression, as he held out a piece of paper, "I GOT THE HORSE'S RECEIPT!!

Q: submitted by Bo

Hey JD, I have been a fellow sublimer for a little over a year now and I'm 19 and when I fuck my girlfriend to hard she gets a stomach ache and I haven't been able to find out the reason for this but she does like rough sex and is into practically everything except anal. I have no idea what or why she gets these stomach aches but she says its because I hit something inside of her. I would like to know if you could answer my question because you seem to have a answer for everything and everything I've red has worked. Please let me know. Thanks,

A:
i have a good amount of experience with this problem and luckily i've already dealt with many of the solutions. first lets go over all the possible causes. you could be hitting her bladder, urethra or uterus with your penis which can cause bruising and discomfort. if this is the case it is often related to the position you were in when having intercourse. if you can narrow it down to just a couple of positions that cause her to have cramps afterwards you can just avoid those positions. you could also be annoying a full bladder. if this is the case just make sure she always empties her bladder before sex and not after. if she is still getting cramps she needs to see a gynocologist to get this medication to take after having sex. it will keep all those "parts" from getting swollen or having an infection. the other thing that could be happening is that she has not "dropped the kids off at the pool" in a couple of days and her poop is crammed in their like concrete. you go in and have some rough sex and it is like the berlin wall coming down (only this time no one is paying 50 bucks for a piece of it!). if this is the case try and avoid sex when she hasn't gone number two in awhile. the last thing i can think of is that you are using either too little or too much lube. if you use too little all the friction on the inside can cause discomfort before and after. if you use too much you slide in and out too easily and can end up going to deep..especially when having rough sex. i like to put some lube on my johnson and then wipe the excess of with my hand. that way there is a nice thin film of lube that seems to be just about perfect. i think if you can narrow down the cause then you got the solution and it is smooth sailing from there. good luck. ;-)

-JD